Apart from the beginning of the first memoir, “Mine has been a life of much shame”, in Osamu Dazai’s No longer human, I found it banal and incomprehensible to me as a student. First of all, I didn’t know the northeastern countryside, so I had no idea, and I was rather bored by the description of the countryside, partly because I had lived in the Kyushu countryside, which overlapped with the countryside in an unnecessary way. I could not pay attention to that scene because for me it was a landscape I wanted to leave.
What we can see recently is that No longer Human was a story that had been conceived many times since his youth, as I wrote in another article. This rural landscape is exactly the one that Dazai had been thinking about since his youth. Or perhaps he was imagining himself as an old man. When you are young and passionate, the landscape shines like fresh green. His earlier similar works are characterised by youthfulness. Even dead trees would still have the strength to sprout in the spring, So the light that remains. While you are young, despair, rejection and emptiness cannot hide the power that when you only close the door on yourself. It is not clear what maturing is, or what you have to experience to be able to do it. I am sure that Dazai’s youthful ‘predictable figure like my old self’ has indeed turned out as predicted, or that he has chosen such a life. As an adult, I realised that the words “Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness” were the very description of this landscape. The landscape is neither light nor dark. It is not like Van Gogh saying that the colours are more vivid at night, or thinking about the cypress tree that was supposedly used for the crucifixion of Christ.
It is in the first person, but also includes the hometown as a future perspective and identity: ‘Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness’. Middle age can be described as still young, but it is also an age that moves steadily towards death. We also learn that most things are washed away and forgotten, like stones downstream. Some may have become a stone that is only thick with pain and cannot seek happiness. Or some will have stopped thinking in words and concepts. Young passions are only false if they are forced to act them out. One day they will realise that it is no longer easy to write about the countryside where idyllic cherry blossoms are in full bloom. Therefore, I analyse that the youth of Yamazaki Tomie, Dazai’s heart-to-heart partner, was necessary as a proofreader for the manuscript. Yamazaki Tomie was ‘twenty-eight’ years old. This may be a ‘coincidence’ – but it is not. And so, in the realisation of the mental images that he had accumulated like layers since his youth, the old self that the young Dazai was trying to see is completed.
This reading overlapped with the end of the first and third memoirs because of the short story structure. The person who did the reading was close to the age of Yozo, the protagonist of the work, at twenty-seven, and I, who came up with the images, am not the age of Dazai, who wrote them, but I am getting closer. Van Gogh died at the age of thirty-seven, but I can still remember the colours at that time. I was the same. But after that, the world looks different. I forget how young I was, just as I forget how impressed I am that a branch whose leaves have fallen can still bud in spring. I finally get the maturity I wanted, but I lose my passion. That was the reality that came to me. So I start teaching young people and looking at young people. I don’t just want to write about despair. I want to leave behind the fact that there was hope because I wanted to write. Even the coldest mental images require the hope that spring will come and that the last light will be on the seashore.
The video is poorly made by me, but the composition came to me only now. The perfection of the video is low for a video, but no one else can make our memories. This combination of my age and his age will never happen again. he real youthfulness of his voice ‘twenty-seven’ remains. , but the real youthfulness remains. And ‘youth’ is not just a choice. Just as Dazai chose Yamazaki Tomie, “Why not risk your life in love?” is what he was to me. I won’t put it into words any more than that.
This reading was presented on the anniversary of Dazai’s death. I don’t look at ‘suicide’ any more these days because I’m tired of it. But it made sense to publish it on the anniversary of his death. I expected something as colourful as Van Gogh to come back, but his sincerity made me more inclined to live as a Christian. It’s not the same as following what you’ve been taught. First of all, before the word of God, you have to wish the other person well. That must be the entrance.
I believe that many lovers also experience things that make them hold their breath as if they were drowning in water. Do not let anything sad happen to separate the Trinity from the person you have fallen in love with. It is a mistake to reject someone because of their teachings. The ‘place’ where Jesus was is significant, even if some people do not listen. Jesus appeared in human form. Warmth to the place. Keep them warm rather than luring them to the bottom of cold water. It also takes mutual wisdom to leave traces that both of you have been there and done something meaningful. If you just let love take over, you will drown in love and disappear. So wisdom is necessary. This is also true of faith, but I will talk about that separately. That there is always an encounter in love and that we can live without forgetting that. That no matter how it ends, many lovers can still be thankful that they met each other.
Like choosing to say I love you over death.