She knew what was required of her. Not simply a letter, but a new draft, an atonement, and she was ready to begin. McEwan, Ian. Atonement (p.332)
＊This article contains information on suicide.
Mallarmé says the psyche is like a melody, hard to reassemble. I have often misinterpreted that as ‘it can be rebuilt’, which is exactly the opposite of what he said. For an unknown reason.
In the film Synecdoche, New York, a man who once won a big award for a stage play tried to create another New York to pour his life into his next film. When the tragedy strikes, he adds a note to the script: As a result, the theatre has not been open to the public for more than 17 years and the world continues to swell. In it, a priest actor says: “You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make. You can destroy your life every time you choose, Bat, maybe you won’t for 20years, and you may never ever trace it to its source” Writers are responsible for themselves, but in contradiction, they can’t make their work in their own shell. The man who played his part jumped to his death and apologized to his dying daughter; he was not forgiven by her. She said his daughter would never forgive him and died. If she had lived a few minutes, would her answer have been different? He tried to write a fictional world in which he could perhaps be forgiven by her. The stage seemed to be a never-ending redemption for him. Redemption is God’s work, atonement is human work, atonement is an attempt to make up for a deficit or loss, and redemption is facing one’s sins, but when the writer confronts sin, he or she sometimes retreats into a shell of redemption. Redemption is God’s work, atonement is human work, atonement is an attempt to make up for a deficit or loss, and redemption is facing one’s sins, but when the writer confronts sin, he／she sometimes retreats into a shell of redemption. Then, while thinking and asking ‘what is Atonement’, he tries to make use of the deficient parts in his stories. For a writer to represent ‘Atonement’ seems like a challenge.
Ian McEwan’s Atonement is a striking example. The main character, Bryony, told an unpardonable lie at a very young age. Although the girl was already of age to understand what was happening, she was still very young. Bryony’s lie tears his sister and lover apart and he’s in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Eventually, war breaks out and they die, so they never get reunited. Bryony works as a nurse and begins to write single-handedly and starts writing Atonement. Why was it ‘Atonement’ and not ‘Redemption’, because in her novel she wrote her sister and her boyfriend to be reunited. However, why is such a masterpiece so well known, when the public and readers still feel it is unexplainable? Because this leaves the author with the fact that the ‘Redemption’, which is at the heart of the performing of the atonement, never ends.
I was also unable to write for the last time when I published in 2016. The recuperation period was so long that I didn’t feel alive and I found myself dreading the time that had passed in 2022. During that time, I do not deny that I was like the main protagonist of Synecdoche, New York”. Seasons turned when I misread Mallarmé’s poems over and over again. Once published in 2019, ‘Precious and faithful disease.’ was originally a full-length story, which was cut out in the introduction as a short story as my health deteriorated. Later it was supposed to be continued and prefigured, but it became still harder to write. The idea was conceived around 2012, and the suicide of a cleric, a sacred being, is found in the Tale of the Heike, or even further back in the Kojiki. I chose it as a subject that only the Japanese could write about, but I knew that even if the subject matter was misleading, it would need to be retrievable. I could not think properly, the days passed as though I had brain fog. Aside from not knowing how long it would take to heal, I never saw the manuscript finished finally. and As I was avoiding it, I began a recovery period as I worked on other writing projects. This story began in the early stages like this. ‘My sister committed suicide. Father, it is your fault’, however, in the rest of the story, which was not published, it was a phantom vision that the priest had seen.
Selimi was in fact alive and converted. And as a writer, she had been successful in Christian evangelism and was gradually gaining credibility. Over time, one of the readers told the writer’s story at a baptismal ceremony. When a priest heard about it, he had alienated her, and killed himself because he thought his secret had been revealed. However, the novel she had actually written described only the kindness and good stories of the priest, and the subject matter was completely different and the story of her conversion. If I could have published it till the end, I would have approached the title “Faithful Disease” at the end of the book. But I was skeptical about the possibility of a modern novelist working on someone’s religious beliefs, so-called evangelization, and since I had never achieved it, I felt it was too imaginary to publish.
Over the past few years, two miracles have occurred, The first is Spring Snow. I took it from Yukio Mishima, although it is an unpublished part. At the time of writing, however, it was not possible to see snow falling when the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. It seems that snow had always fallen during the cherry blossom season from time to time, but it was not until 2020 that spring snow was featured significantly. In fact, it was not until 2022 that I was actually able to see it. So this piece will be presented as the next one, although there will be significant changes.
Secondly, I thought was that it would be good if it was in the hands of new baptismal candidates so that the rosary could return to the church a step ahead of them. Passion will always come for Christians. For example, like me, you may suffer among the faithful or by the clergy.
In my own self-discipline, I met a young man at the end of a fall due to human friction, myself included. We were the same vulnerable people. The young man told me. ‘I was always willing to go to church if you would take me. ‘You never complimented me on the church, and you never took me. Nonetheless, I love the stories of the Bible, not just your philosophy, and I ended up wanting to be baptized’ Thus the appearance of a new baptismal candidate through me will save not only me but also the sinful clergyman who fell under the category at the time.
Thus the appearance of a new baptismal candidate through me will save not only me but also the sinful clergyman who fell under the category at the time. It was worth hanging on to Corinthians 1 in chapter 13, that love (agape) is circular, after all. If they had not pushed me away, I would never have met the young man. Without that moment of despair I would not have been aware of my presence to the vulnerable. Something about the essence of humanity is visible even in the darkness, and that is what is being questioned. I don’t mind if you don’t apologize to me in the future, but I can only pray that one day those who were sinful at the time will be able to thank God for this new wind and circulation. At least we should be thankful for him who says he enjoys church. That was me once, who was genuine in wanting to learn. We must not allow such a young man to be crushed. So I shall write it down here. As a reminder that your existence continues in someone else’s memory, in their records, even if it is hidden in this way. To borrow from philosophy of Bergson, the past is driven by feelings. I certainly could have criticized Christianity and interfered with the aspirants for baptism.
I did not do that. That was because I was trying to understand Jesus, who said he could stand up to a lame man, not an organization. Without using any special force, Jesus told the lame man that he could ‘stand’.
What I thought my redemption was about was evangelizing through stories, rather than stopping people in their tracks with bad publicity to get back at the other party. The biblical words that grew out of me, a being circulated in love, sinful clergy must welcome the congregation somewhere. There is no other ‘redemption’ for clergy. Even if you go to confession, your redemption is forever dark. There is no time to go back. Redemption is to be someone’s hope. Next time, it will be God’s command to save people, not to save themselves, but to save others, even if they have to vomit blood. I also feel sorry, however, that the clergy have a destiny that will affect them for the rest of their lives, more so than ordinary people. For me, I do not have that predestination. I pray for the day when I will be liberated in consideration of them.
My sins are, for example, that when I was rushed to hospital,
A friend of mine who came to pick me up began to tell me that he was afraid of the Grim Reaper and Reapers possess people. I knew nothing about it, I laughed and said that the Grim Reaper didn’t exist, but I was the one who made them think so. For me, the priests have already become unimportant. But redemption continues for those who have been wounded because of me.
This rosary has been with me for more than ten years. During that time, there have been deaths of friends and various farewells. Once I tried to dispose of the Catholic connection, but I kept the rosary. What I could not throw away at that time, and could not in theory, is that it lived on here. I gave it to a young man to remember to pray at all times. I have recently learned to run a little. My voice has also come back beautifully from the period when I could not speak. So my prayers have also become beautiful.
It was certainly not the misfortune of any one person’s fault. But … Anyway, You should pray.