鏡花水月【Bilingual】

一人、わしの親友に、何かかねて志す……国々に伝わった面白い、また かかわった、不思議な物語を集めてみたい……君もここへ来たばかりで、ものかたりの中の人になったろう……僕はもう一層、その上を、物語、そのものになったんだ。I became the story itself.(夜叉が池:泉鏡花)

鏡月という名前は、泉鏡花にちなんだ名を付けてもらった。鏡花も鏡花水月が元になっていた。それに洗礼名のクリスがついた状態で、私の内部には幻任せにイエスがいる。

「この世を映す鏡になれ、ただし鏡のように虚構で」

そう言われて、私の魂は喜んだ。一途と言うには白々しいほど色んな人を愛して、到頭、戻れなくなった。思い返すことも出来ない程、時間が経ってしまった。

夜叉が池の主人公は物語の一部になったと「自覚」があった。皮肉や否か、

悲愴曲。それが無音となって、過去として静かに幻として返ってきた。

もう電流のような愛でも、育む愛でもない。

けれども人間が持つ慈しみである。

一瞬の閃き、すぐまた消える感情、それが想起。日常にその愛は存在しない。

何とも言えない

幻、私は幻を慈しむ。

クリスという名前はキリストを意識した。洗礼以降は、クリスという名前は私の中で

何度も意味を変えた。或る時は善、或る時は正義、或る時は愛、義、を求めた。

其処にありながら幻、人が生み出す虚構、実体に成し得ないものも、

イエスは慈しむだろう。少なくとも幻想文学、詩人はそう信じている。

いつでも神を信じている。神以上に私を見ている者はいない。

幻にしかなれない毎日へ、                                

The name Kyogetu(me) was given to me after Kyoka Izumi. Kyoka was also based on (鏡花水月) The moon reflected in the water. With my baptismal name Chris nearby, I have a vision of Jesus within myself.

“To be a mirror of the world, but fictitious like a mirror“

When I heard that, my soul was filled with joy. I was a liar when I said it was platonic. I loved so many people I couldn’t go back there. So much time has passed that I can’t even think back.

Yashagaike’s main protagonist was “aware” that he had been part of the story. Ironic or not,

Pathetically, it came back to me as a silent, silent vision of the past.

It is no longer a lightning-quick love or a nurturing love.

That is the human compassion. A flash of inspiration, a feeling that quickly disappears again, that is remembrance. That love is not present in everyday life.

It is indescribable.

An illusion, I cherish an illusion.

The name Chris became aware of Christ. After my christening, the name Chris changed its meaning in my mind over and over again. Sometimes I wanted goodness, sometimes justice, sometimes love, sometimes righteousness.

It is an illusion, A human creation, a fiction which cannot be realized. At least that’s the belief of fantasy literature and poetry.

I believe in God all the time. There are no people who watch you more than God.

The day of the phantom.

 そんな私でしたが、この度教え子の名前に鏡月の月と、鏡花水月の「花」を与えることにしました。

私の名前は漢字表記を無くして、「幻」と「洗礼名」のみになります。

私の可愛い教え子の「月花凪」です。

This is my lovely pupil, “Nagi Tukika”.

I am giving the name “月” from my name “鏡月” ,Word of “花” from my name “鏡花水月” to my pupils.

My existence will be an illusion. Thank you for your continued support.

Die Liebende‐Rainer Maria Rilke(English)

The image of a man, a thought that I, the other, cannot imagine from its trivial aspect,I think of words that I record time and thought. If I could understand every casual look, the light that comes through the window, the changing emotions, I would feel happy. So I realize what I think is beautiful and what it means to be born. I love everything I love. I hate it, but I love it.

Chris Kyogetu

______________

Rilke’s “My darling”, Das ist mein Fenster, “This is my window”, starts with the inevitable awakening of her inner self and a look at the unconscious exterior. This is Eben bin ich so sanft erwacht… “I just woke up”, a gentle, relaxing moment, like a sprinkling of white powder.

“In the day-to-day life of a person like the window, “Bis wohin reicht mein Leben” (Where will my life reach?), and the eternity of the night and the universe, and the dream.

Ich könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum; (I feel that everything around me is still me), and thus loses the frontier between the interior and the exterior. Is both a bond and an obstacle to the outer world in this poem? She’s falling for him. and across the side world whereas his feelings and awareness of him as “objectivity from outside the window” But this is her reflection. Her existence is “inside” the window. Whether expectant or anxious, the waking ‘now’ is simply her being inside the open window.

I don’t know the details of the “I” relationship with that other person, but the fact that the other person is in my heart means that my beloved is not a quiet presence standing in the depths of my consciousness. My analysis of the poem is that it is a window on the outside world, without any intervention or controller (e.g. God) between ‘me’ and the ‘loved one’.

The original reality is the margin in which the poem ends. The world of empty margins, where nothing is written, exists for the poet independent of his own spirit, and when the poet enters into the spirit of a person, It ​means it changes the reader’s vison. If the window becomes special as of this day, it is a success.

It is beautiful to see the interior growth and the interior finesse.

I believe that a beautiful poem is beautiful, even in its borders. 

__________________________________________

The Lover

That is my window. A moment ago

I woke up so softly.

I thought I would float.

To where does my life extend,

and where does the night begin?

I could think that everything

were still me all around;

translucent as a crystal’s

depths, darkened, dumb.

I could also contain the stars

inside me still; so large

does my heart appear to me; so gladly

it released him away again

whom I began perhaps to love,

perhaps began to hold.

Strange, as something never-described

my fate looks at me.

For what am I laid under this

unendingness,

fragrant as a meadow,

moved here and there,

calling out at the same time and afraid

that someone will hear the call,

and determined to find my downfall

in another.

R. M. Rilke

Die Liebende ( Rainer Maria Rilke ) 訳・Chris

Das ist mein Fenster. Ebenbin ich so sanft erwacht.

Ich dachte, ich würde schweben.

Bis wohin reicht mein Leben,und wo beginnt die Nacht?

Ich könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum;

durchsichtig wie eines Kristalles Tiefe, verdunkelt, stumm.

Ich könnte auch noch die Sterne fassen in mir, so groß

scheint mir mein Herz; so gerne ließ es ihn wieder los

den ich vielleicht zu lieben,vielleicht zu halten begann.

Fremd, wie niebeschrieben sieht mich mein Schicksal an.

Was bin ich unter diese Unendlichkeit gelegt,

duftend wie eine Wiese, hin und her bewegt,

rufend zugleich und bange, daß einer den Ruf vernimmt,

und zum Untergange in einem Andern bestimmt.

full version (Japanese)

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