Casilda of Toledo – English

Cuando Casilda desplegó el manto, cayeronmuchas rosas.

When Casilda unfolded her cloak, many roses dropped from it.

‘Toledo’, located in central Spain, was a crossroads of Judaism, Islam and Christianity. It was a city at the crossroads of Judaism, Islam and Christianity. Famous as the favorite of the painter El Greco, it became the capital of the Visigoths in the 6th century, and from the 8th to the 11th century, during the reign of Fernando I, Toledo was under the rule of Muslim powers. The Moroccan king, Casilda of Almamun, was polite and kind-hearted, and carried food to the Christians his father had captured as prisoners of war. Casilda means ‘singing’ in Arabic, and she was kind to the captives, making a beautiful white rose bloom from a bad stem and extending the seeds of faith. Her retainers, who did not take it well, informed the king that they were going to execute Casilda.

The king loved his daughter, but he had no choice but to execute her after such an incident. When the retainer and the king pursued inside the cloak of Casilda, by God’s arrangement, the food that Casilda had hidden turned into white roses. She was acquitted of any blame.

Sacrifice, a self-sacrifice, and Deus Ex Machina, a mechanical god who casts a stone in a stifling situation. Casilda’s endgame can be described as deus ex machina. Self-sacrifice to gain an advantage exists in the world of chess, but Aristotle rejects the mechanistic god. I find it interesting that even in the seemingly inorganic world of chess, a world of logic, miracles happen. If you only play on the defensive, you will never make any progress, and pieces will always be taken. The value of the pieces constantly fluctuates, they attack, watch each other and choke. Every time a piece is taken in this context, it is analyzed to see if it is just a blunder or sacrificed. The game is constantly subjected to uncertainty, and sacrifice is established from the results.

The Christian self-sacrifice seems to be a measure, an ‘accident’ that represents to the invisible God. Does it include love? The only way to find out what God wants is to read the Bible in slowly and carefully. And above all, Jesus is only full of parables, and his stories must be replaced by our everyday life for us to consider. The words of Jesus must be lived in everyday life when faced with problems that are universally the same, even though Toledo and society changed in those days.

The Christian love, the kindness of Casilda, can be regarded as religious, but it is also the inherent goodness of human beings. Of course, some people did not show that goodness. She is unable to get prisoners out of prison. They carry food, although without consequence. Does that kindness, which does not leave the hungry behind, give strength to the misfortune of being a prisoner of war? On its own, Casilda was doomed to be executed as a traitor. However, We

 knows that miracles do not happen in everyday life.

Still, I want to stay awake to the goodness, to the love of God, because the breakout of miracles is indeed something that is always there.

Always that what we see and what we have in front of us is not everything.

Next Work Ⅰ (English)

Nagi Tukika

The doctor said to me, “Gradually it will become possible to see. The light moved without being able to decide where to stay, and tried to create space, but the shapes were dreaming too much in my heart, and I was afraid of waking up. Outside is a nightmare, or is it possible to wake up?

 The emotional conflict inside of the shadows and the light seemed to overwhelm me.

Outline

I am left with the memory that I was blind. When I say, ” touching the world,” it’ s not a metaphor. It is a recurring memory of the day I was blind and could see for the first time. And yet, the emotion of “that day” when I could see has faded, and this memory is like a stranger.

I wonder if I’ve come back to life or am I a stranger.

On a summer’s day the painter contemplated death, and on a winter’s day the writer found the body of a musician. Fleeing footprints were burst shot by the photographer.

By the way, where you were “that day”?

From the Author.

As for my own experience, there was a six-year period when I couldn’t write since my last publication (2016). Then I structured the novel in seven chapters based on the seven days of Creation in Genesis.

Publication schedule: Winter 2022 – Spring 2023

Language: Japanese and English

English version may be requested from a translator.

I adapted this photograph to show the protagonist, who experienced a past of blindness, repeating his/her memories. “The emotional conflict inside of the shadows and the light seemed to overwhelm me“

Photo by

No longer human (English.ver)

And lastly, there's still a way to seek God in you. That is, there are ways of doing away with things that are limited. For if artists look for the face of the King in the soul of a tree, they will leave everything behind for the love of that face.
Nicolaus Cusanus-De quaerendo Deum 49

Foreword

 It would be easy to be misunderstood as an infantile mind when talking about Dazai Osamu’s ‘No longer human’, but as of 2021 Dazai Osamu is famous, but whether he ranks high or low alongside the great masters of the Showa period, (1926~1989)he is not even sure. What was his essence, after all, is still not settled. Seventy-six years after the war, here we are. I realized again that this is the allure of Dazai for me.

I hear Dazai’s collection sells well in the summer and it looks like it’s selling well now. There are those who say that his colloquial style lacks the intellectuality of the great writers. The fact that he wrote with such sensitivity about something so trivial may raise both religious and philosophical questions. His sensitivity is also characterized by the fact that his works are not full of metaphors and technical details, Instead, a series of words are used in everyday life.

I’ve grown up, the reason I mention Osamu Dazai again is that, as a Christian, I know and admire other authors whose ideals of love and life and death are quoted in Catholic newspapers, but even after two years of convalescence,I was unable to find a source of language as deep-rooted as theirs. I saw a lot of light and love, I decided that time was of the essence, considering my age and my illness.

When I said, “If I translate in English, I’ll address it to somebody who understands Dazai.” it was a declaration of my defeat and a sign of my resumption. However, I cannot write about Dazai Osamu in one article, So I will be writing about it in a number of articles.

“No longer human” and “Osamu Dazai”

The protagonist, Yozo, from childhood was a beautiful boy,It could not, however, be attributed to the contemplation of happiness and had doubts about it. Beyond its interior life, society considers it “fortunate”. The words are somewhat superficial and do not resonate with the protagonist. And as if the world around him were a Japanese honors student, he can’t find anyone who has the same problem as him. The protagonist wonders to the world if they “sleep well at night and are refreshed in the morning?”

Today, there are more and more jobs, and it is fashionable to do whatever we want, But at this time, working to eat was the norm.

Among them, the job of a writer may have been a divine revelation for a writer, even for a writer, but it was in the category of a hobby, an intellectual’s other love, a job he liked.

Yozo is not able to understand his neighbors, and his last seduction of human beings is the one of a clown. Even his parents don’t get itAs he grew, the smell of solitude attracted women.

Dazai Osamu was not baptized, but he was passionate about the Reading Bible. This is recorded in the diary of Tomie Yamazaki, with whom he committed suicide, and he also carried a Bible in his bag when he went to see his other mistress, Shizuko Ota, the source of “Shayō” , Dazai once asked Tomie what Bible quotations had made the greatest impression on her.

“No longer Human” is the posthumously written work of Osamu Dazai and is said to be a semi-autobiography written by Tomie while she was nursing Dazai.If you read Tomie’s journal, you will understand why women are attracted by the hero and why they follow Dazai. 

Dazai said to Tomie, “Why not risk your life in Love?” She learns that Dazai is grieved by the Japanese who change after World War II,  Tomie got married during the war because her family feared she was late, and her husband never went back to Manila in the Philippines. She ended up a widow. Back in the day, no one could comfort his loneliness.

In “Phosphorescence”, written on June 3rd, 1947, Dazai describes her love for Tomie and her invocation of her husband around a fictional flower, phosphorescence. The audience didn’t know where to go with her love of her husband who died in the war.

The Society has not forgiven Tomie, only Dazai, and he has accepted his love for her husband.

If he was a ” good husband” as they called him in those days, and protected the family,There wasn’t any help for Tomie,As far as she was concerned, only Dazai, a married man, understood.

Society won’t stand for it?

It’s not society. you’re the one who won’t stand for it-right?

No longer human

Japanese people are asked what their favorite part of this work is, the majority of them might quote this. Dazai’s words, “the society will not forgive you”, and the commonplace phrase,

“You’re the one that doesn’t forgive me.” he said, Focus on the personality.

The weakening of the ego through society resembles the ego of the woman of the time. The focus is on marriage rather than on love as a first step. Even when husbands are Killed in action, there is language for mistreating women. 

Yasunari Kawabata and many other experts criticized him. As a result, Dazai’s life is a life of affirmation. Dazai lives by the women who affirm him. For example, he lives in his stories.

Yozo in “No longer human” is one of them.

The image of the woman in Japanese literature is less of a Christian woman. Even if unintentionally, a man’s monologue touching a woman is both a Bataillean “invasion of beauty” of women and, on the contrary, something like caging a small bird and loving it. Sensuality and feminine females live together in a familiar colloquial text. His image of women has neither the mature sexiness of the wife in Junichiro Tanizaki’s “The Key”, nor the refined elegance of Satoko in Yukio Mishima’s “Sea of Fertility”.

Dazai’s work is the most sober of all the Japanese writers’ portraits of women. In contrast to the reality of their emotional deaths, they are sober.  Just the fact that their cheeks are stained with tender emotions, that they speak openly of death in the midst of a subject in which life and love are weighed in the balance, is another charm of the literature of Dazai’s later years.

It is impossible to express diversity in words. There is always a question of ethics when there is so much to interpret. Yet there is always no solution. Dazai is a clown of the society, he avoids to be confronted with the truth, but he writes with words that do not bind people. In him there is no doctrine of ” Love is what it should be “. They seem to have no core, “No longer human”.

God, I ask you, is non-resistance a sin?

Disqualified as a human being.

Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

Everything passes.

Jesus would be saddened by this decision, which could be called pruning. There is a story that God is the farmer and Jesus is the vine. (John 15) Pruning does not mean cutting down the unwanted, but it means that Jesus, the trunk, is also grieved, representing the ” support oneself “. After pruning the tree, it produces sap. It is compared to the weeping of Jesus.

Now I have neither happiness nor unhappiness.

Everything passes.

One pruned branch thought this way. Maybe it’s the voice of the protagonist and the literary artist.

It is not clear whether Osamu Dazai and Tomie Yamazaki were simply drowning in the Bible and extending it to romance.

It is not clear whether Osamu Dazai and Tomie Yamazaki were simply drowning in the Bible and extending it to romance. But as we get older, we realize that somewhere along the line, we reach a point where we can’t make it. Some people never notice the end of their life, whilst others feel it sooner.

Most people seem to be aware of it when they get cancer or when they are told that they have only a few days to live, but the awareness of death is particularly prevalent in Buddhism.  If you were in a Buddhist school, the first message was that the “possibility of death begins already when you are born”

The lesson was not new discovery. because I had noticed it myself.

Most of us are vaguely aware of death, but most of us relegate it to the corner of our minds because we are afraid of it. If I were to read Osamu Dazai to a child, “Run, Meros” is well known, and we learn about his feelings in the author’s biography. At the time, a friend of mine once read Dazai’s biography and asked me “why he committed suicide?”.

What I answered in my childhood mind was: ” He simply accepted death”.

Naturally, it is scary to disappear from this world without notice on my own. There are some deaths that we accept, like the rest of our lives. So what about suicide, we rarely get to know the true feelings of the dead person. No matter how much is written down, we are always looking for facts that are not written in words. Even if it is written down, we cannot read it as it was written. I have always suspected that there is a dying spirit as well as a dying body. It doesn’t matter how much you write about your spiritual death, other people can’t see it. What happens when the mind becomes so tired that it forgets to seek help?

In fact, even now, 73 years after his death, no one knows what Dazai Osamu Real intention. No one can understand the feelings of a pruned branch. “No longer human” does not lie about “the society” He is without hypocrisy.

Some perhaps will deride me.

What do you mean by not having faith in human beings?

When did you come a Christian anyway?

For the writer, doesn’t loving ultimately to mean remaining a writer? If that is what the women he loved wanted, so be it. Moreover, their deaths would be anathema to Christianity in this work. Nevertheless, without the ability to look at the imperfections of people, neither religion nor literature would be possible. The man of the piece ends up in hospital, while the author dies with his mistress. Without the ability to look at the imperfections of human beings, neither religion nor literature would be possible. The reality that created their “acceptance of death” and the fact that they had to make such a choice in the life they were given.

We must not forget that Jesus wept over such a decision.

We must not forget. If God (love) does not weep

Who will weep?

Pruning should not be considered solely for the proper growth of the vine.

When I was a child, I made no mistake in accepting that ” He simply accepted death”. In fact, the ” acceptance of a painful fate ” comes to all of us at some time. Many times the mind gets tired and the heart feels dead. Yet, the mind may come back to life. The mind will accept death. Over and over again

Feeling for love or death rises and falls repeatedly. Behind the simple expression, I hope that the sound and the thought will reach somewhere with a deeper sound than at that time.

John15:1~12

I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.”As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love.I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Assumption of Mary English.Ver

"Was the author of the Book of Revelation really not under the influence, so to speak, of a being who was in conflict with Jesus Christ? of the 'Schatten', as it is called in psychology" C. G. Jung, "The Aion".

A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.  She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.  Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.  Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. 5She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter.”And her child was snatched up to God and to his throne.  The woman fled into the wilderness to a place prepared for her by God, where she might be taken care of for 1,260 days.

 Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back.  But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven.  The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.

 Then I heard a loud voice in heaven say:

“Now have come the salvation and the power

    and the kingdom of our God,

    and the authority of his Messiah.

For the accuser of our brothers and sisters,

    who accuses them before our God day and night,

    has been hurled down……

Revelation:12

On August 15, 2014, Assumption of the Blessed Virgin,I was baptized as a Catholic. Most people are baptized in the spring at Easter, but this was the only year that the baptismal service was also held in the summer. I had planned to attend a baptismal course with my fiancé at the time, but I went to the church he had chosen in June, just to see what it was like. While I was taking baptism alone, I had to attend a year-long study group, but the priest in charge at the time said he could fit me into the baptismal service in August. I asked my fiancé to let me in without asking for confirmation. At that time I didn’t know if it was an invitation from God or a betrayal, but I didn’t know that my relationship with him would deteriorate.

He intended to continue to love the Bible without being baptized, But I was convinced that he would come later, and I found myself with a bunch of lilies on August 15.

When the Bible reading began, “The temple of God in heaven was opened, and the …… woman was pregnant, but because of the pain and suffering of giving birth to a child, the …… dragon wanted to give birth to a child,” I turned my head and began to I had the chills when the reading started. is Revelation 12, the maiden, and the dragon. The dragon is said to be a heretical being and the woman is the Virgin Mary. This world of Revelation is the end of humanity and is depicted in cryptic prose and lyricism. In this chapter alone, This prefigures the dream of Joseph in Genesis 37, and the Bible itself writes about the beginning and end of the world.

The reason why I was so moved by the story is that the maiden and the dragon is a Jungian archetype, which I also dealt with in my work “Pagaea Doll”, in which I compared it to the dragon legends of East and West. Like the protagonist “Shoko”, I have been pursuing the “virginity of the imagination” since I was a child. As in the story of Borges, one can imagine and still resemble someone else. Without sympathy and admiration, the imagination is wounded, flattered, thirsty and lonely, aging and dying.

When I was painting in my teenage years, I sometimes thought that when I was free to create, I couldn’t find what I wanted to paint because I couldn’t find what I wanted to paint. The world I wanted to paint depends on my capacity to describe it, and I couldn’t even approach it. What I found out, what I might have known if I had studied philosophy, Hadd was already a pioneer in philosophers. It’s always changing my mind, searching for new discoveries. The time when the eye blinks, or the time to fall asleep, the opportunity is unpredictable and even the notebook is not ready. Without any time to think, drawing assignments arrive, study assignments arrive, and I waste my time on dreams.

 When I finally said that I wanted to make a religious painting, the adults did not agree with me, and I set off on a journey to concretize myself, without financial means.

Jung’s “archetypes” are even deeper than Freud’s unconscious: C.G. Jung remarked that Jesus and Mary do not appear directly in dreams as much as church people do. The Sun is Jesus, the Lilies are Mary, and they exist as symbols in the field of collective unconsciousness. Freud did not deny this statement from his own, but said he was having problems with it.I would later learn that Freud was right. Jung’s work is laborious for a man as exhausted as his patient. Myth and faith may have been a fading influence of 19th century science, but even if Jung’s theory was correct, it was probably obvious that neither theology nor religion, or more specifically myth and fable, would become stronger in the 20th and 21st centuries, and that the masses would no longer understand them. That is why the “archetypes” are so isolated from their patients.

I was in primary school when I wrote the story of the dragon. I already had an idea for the story of Shoko’s childhood in “PangaeaDoll”. I knew the book of Revelation chapter 12 from a Bible I found in a Christian friend’s house. I didn’t know what it meant, but it fascinated me as a fantasy story about the dynamism of this wriggling dragon and the obsession with a maiden (the Immaculate Heart of Mary).

What do I want to show? I was looking for a place for the significance of the “something” that was born. Eventually I quit painting because I no longer wanted to be understood, and I lived in my writing. I will live for my existence, even though no one in particular asks me to. In order not to be crushed by others, my thoughts go beyond my language and my imagery and become even more passionate. An inexpressible pain in my chest, my soul dreams of rising. For such a man, the dragon was a symbol of uncontrollable ” Sensation “. It followed the maiden Mary as she fled from the clutches of King Herod. It was such a struggle to have faith or not to have faith. There was doubt and a constant shadow of the Bible. Such is the world of the unconverted. It was always ridged like a serpent and moved with a lot of heat.

The dragon who wanted to eat the maiden (Jesus) seemed to me to be a conflicted baptismal candidate itself. Especially the dragon of chapter 12, which followed Mary, may be so. The Baptist is also a pagan.

Nevertheless, after his baptism in 2014, the maiden and the dragon were not read until today, in 2021. Even the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary festival was not attended after this. Even though they participated in other ordinary Masses and ceremonies. They were not there. For a long time, I never regained the sense of baptism.Part of the reason I wanted to write another track, and also because I had already lost the dragon to my heart. I never thought about grief, a pagan symbol.

Every time I went to mass, I wore a white veil, but after my friend died, I wore a black veil. I began to remove the veil in time, and although I always carried a Bible, I no longer do.

The world I saw after my baptism was a world of grace and solitude waiting for me.  The soul of an artist can only live in his work, and with that revelation in my heart, I had been hopeful, only to find myself on the edge of a cliff.

In 2018, I was standing in front of suicide.

Sound is said to be uninformed, and so is the existential nature of language. The tongue is a background of symbols, on which concepts exist. A concept has a meaning as a word, but it is synthesized by a series of words. The linguistic world is a composite one. Languages are not by themselves. Although you need someone to understand it, it is often not understood.

It was Christianity that clarified why words existed, as John’s Gospel says: “In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God”. Just as in Russia, where there was no clear language in the beginning, language was created as Christianity spread.

The language is isolated. But it is to God, it is the mystery of the word. and I didn’t feel so alone.

Many have said to me, “Why won’t you write free?”

I’ve been asked by many people, but I’ve never answered. I don’t feel lonely with this question any more, because I realize that I don’t need to answer it in particular. What started as giving up is already “freedom”.

The beginning was a painful “freedom”. Baptism did indeed give freedom. The surrogate mother who wiped the holy water dripping from my hair, the priest who celebrated, all those who surrounded me, we will never gather in the same place again. They will never come together again. The bouquet of lilies that I carried at that time is still blooming in my memory, although it has vanished already. The people I loved then, the people I left, the people I met, the sight I saw when I looked up, where I smiled towards, the characters of this moment, my emotions, will never represent my “now” again, they will never come into my sight.

For a long time I wondered whether I should accept this disappearance or leave it as a memory of my baptism again.

After seven years of hesitation, I finally looked back on this time.

Indeed, at the time of my baptism, my soul was joyful.

15 August 2021 

baptismal certificate

聖母マリア被昇天(2021年)

「黙示録の作者は、いわばイエスキリストと対立した存在の影響を本当に受けていなかったのだろうか? 心理学でいうところの「影」の」 C・Gユング「アイオーン」

天にある神の神殿が開かれて、その神殿の中にある契約の箱が見えた。

また、天に大きなしるしが現れた。一人の女が身に太陽をまとい、月を足の下にし、頭には十二の星の冠をかぶっていた。女は身ごもっていたが、子を産む痛みと苦しみのため叫んでいた。また、もう一つのしるしが天に現れた。見よ、火のように赤い大きな竜である。これには七つの頭と十本の角があって、その頭に七つの冠をかぶっていた。竜の尾は、天の星の三分の一を掃き寄せて、地上に投げつけた。そして、竜は子を産もうとしている女の前に立ちはだかり、産んだら、その子を食べてしまおうとしていた。女は男の子を産んだ。この子は、鉄の杖ですべての国民を治めることになっていた。子は神のもとへ、その玉座へ引き上げられた。女は荒れ野へ逃げ込んだ。そこには、神の用意された場所があった。

わたしは、天で大きな声が次のように言うのを、聞いた。

「今や、我々の神の救いと力と支配が現れた。 神のメシアの権威が現れた。」

(ヨハネの黙示録12章)

2014年8月15日の聖母マリア被昇天の時に、私はカトリックの洗礼を受けた。本来なら春の復活祭の時に洗礼を受けるのが殆どだが、この年のみ洗礼式を夏にも設けてあった。当時の婚約者と共に洗礼講座を受ける予定だったが、教会の下見という感覚で6月に彼が指定していた教会へと行った。洗礼講座を試しに一人で受けている間に、本来なら1年勉強会に参加しなければならないのだが、この時の担当神父様が8月の洗礼式に入れてくれると言った。私は婚約者に確認を取らずに入れてくださいとお願いした。この時は神に招かれたというのか、裏切りというのか、彼との関係が悪化するとは知らなかった。

彼はやはり洗礼を受けずに聖書が好きな人でいたいと言い出したが、後から来てくれると勝手に信じ込んだまま、私は8月15日に百合の花束を持ってベールを被った。

俯きながら「天にある神の神殿が開かれて……女は身籠っていたが、子を産む痛みと苦しみのために……竜は子を産もうと」と聖書朗読が始まった時に、幼い頃から何故か涙が出てくる箇所が読まれたことに鳥肌が立った。ヨハネの黙示録12章、女と竜(乙女と竜)である。竜は異端の存在であり、女とは聖母マリアの事だとされている。この黙示録の世界は人間の最期であり、暗号めいた散文と抒情的に描かれている。この章だけでも、創世記の37章のヨセフの夢という伏線が張られていたりと聖書そのものが世界の始まりから終わりを書き上げている。

何故そこまで感動を覚えたのかといえば、乙女と竜はユングでいうところの元型を私の作品の「Pagaea Doll」でも扱ったところであり、作中で東西の竜伝説に準えていた。主人公の「翔子」のように、私は子供の頃から、ずっと「想像力の処女性」を追及していた。ボルヘスの話でもあるように、人は想像しても誰かと似てしまう。想像力というものは共感や称賛を得なければ、傷ついて、媚びを売り、渇愛と孤独を抱えながら、老化して死に向かっていく。十代の頃に絵を描いているときに時に思っていたのが、自由創作の時に描きたいものというものを探すときに、自分の描きたいものについて悩みが尽きなかった。描きたい世界は描写力に左右されて、理想に近づかない。哲学を学んでいたら分かることが、自分が発見したことは既に哲学者が開拓していた。新しい発見を探しながら、私の思念の中で常に変容する。瞬きの瞬間や、眠りにつく瞬間、その機会は何時なのか、予測不可能でノートさえも間に合わない。自分自身が、その変容にさえも追いつかずに、出来る範囲で中途半端な作品が生まれる。内観する暇もなくデッサンの課題が来る、勉強の課題が来る、私は夢の中まで時間を使った。

 漸く宗教絵画を描きたいと発言した私に大人たちの賛同はもらえず、まだ経済力が無かった私は自身を具体化する旅に出た。

ユングの「元型」とは、フロイトの無意識よりも更に深く存在している。C・Gユングは教会関係者ほど夢にイエスやマリアが直接出て来ないことに気づいた。太陽がイエス、や百合がマリアと、象徴として集合的無意識の領域に存在する。フロイトは彼のこの発表を否定はしなかったが、苦労すると言った。フロイトの見解は正しかったと私は後に知る。ユングの研究は患者のように疲弊した人間には労苦するのだ。神話や信仰は19世紀科学で薄れていた影響なのかもしれないが、ユングの学説が正しかったとしても、20世紀、21世紀に神学も宗教、もっといえば神話、寓話も強くなることはなく、大衆の理解に及ばなくなっていくのが目に見えていたのだろう。だから「元型」というものは患者が孤立するのだ。治療としては適していなかったのだろう。

私が、竜の話を書いたのは小学生の頃だった。「PangaeaDoll」の翔子の幼い頃の話の構想は既に在った。黙示録の12章はキリスト教徒の友人の家にあった聖書で知った。意味は分からなかったが、この蠢いていく竜の躍動感と、乙女(無原罪のマリア)への執着という幻想譚として私は心が奪われた。

何を私は表したいのか、生まれた「何か」の存在意義の居場所を探していた。そのうち理解を求めなくなって絵を辞めた私は、文章の中で生きていく。特に誰にも求められてもいないのに、私は私の存在のために生きていく。他者に潰されないように、思惑が私の言語やイマージュを超えて、更に熱量を持っていく。形容しがたい胸の痛みである魂は上昇を夢見ている。そのような人間にとって、竜は制御出来ない「感応」の象徴であった。乙女マリアがヘロデ王の魔の手から逃げるのを追った。信仰を持つか持たないか、葛藤するのはそのようなものであった。疑心や、常に聖書に影があった。それが無宗教者の見えた世界である。常に蛇のように畝っては、熱量を持って動いていた。

竜が乙女の子(イエス)を食べてしまおうと思った、は葛藤を抱いている洗礼志願者そのものだと私は思えた。特にこのマリアに付き纏った12章の竜はそうなのかもしれない。洗礼志願者は異端でもある。

 それでも、2014年の洗礼後、2021年の今の今まで乙女と竜は今日まで読まなかった。聖母マリア被昇天祭りすらこの後は参加していない。他の通常のミサや式典は参加していても、この日は参加しなかった。長らく洗礼の気持ちに返れなかったからだ。別の作品を書きたかったのもあるが、もう私の中の竜は死んだのだ。異端の象徴なので弔うことを考えなかった。

ミサは毎回白のベールを被っていたが、友人の死の時に黒のベールを被っていた。ベールはそのうちに外すようになり、聖書を常に持ち込んでいたが、持たなくなった。

洗礼を受けた後の見えた世界は恩寵と孤独が待っていた。芸術家の魂は作品の中でしか生きられない、その啓示を胸に希望を抱いてきた私が、気が付けば崖の上にいるように、

2018年、自死を前に立っていた。

絵を描いていた頃はまだ良かった。絵はオリジナルが一点存在すれば良い。

言語となると実存性は疑わしくなってくる。言葉の世界は理解されなければ存在価値の無い記号となる。文章世界の場合は何処に私の核があるのか、私は何処にも生きていないような感覚に陥っていた。世界は「色即是空」や「諸行無常」なのか、イエスという存在を現すのか、これらの教理は表裏一体である。対峙し、時には融合してしまう。言語で明確に区切ってしまえば、「空」(くう)は成り立たない。言葉と結果に囚われている。聖書も自身の経験が伴わなければ、イエスの教えを生きたとは言えない。机上の空論となってしまう。

ヨハネの福音書に「はじめに言ありき、言は神と共にあった」とあるように、何故言葉が存在しているのか、明確にしたのはキリスト教である。ロシアがはじめは言語という明確なものがなくてキリスト教が布教していく中で言語が作られたように、存在を追うのであれば、キリスト教となる。

この道が見えたので洗礼を受けた。

一般的に公開される心理分析は生い立ちの分析である。しかし、人の心とはもっと複雑なのだ。このように、思念の刻みがある。一見意味を感じない夢現も人間を現すことに必要なのである。

信仰の理由も「救済」の一言ではない。これを初めて明確に肯定したのは、「聖書」なのだと思う。そして文学者にとって、聖書は頂点でなければならない。私が作家としてイエスを頂点に置いたのは、人間は傲慢になるからである。想像力の処女性は存在しない。2千年の歴史を経て築き上げてきた人類の思念の水脈に重なる。聖書はその中でも母体である。その絶望を最初に受け入れなければならない。けれども発見は人生を貴重なものにしてくれた。

「何故自由に書かないの?」と何人も言われたが、答えたことは無い。もうこの質問に孤独を感じることもない、特に答える必要がないと気づいたからだ。諦めから始まった事は、既に「自由」である。

始まりは悲しい「自由」だった。洗礼は自由を確かに与えた。私の髪に聖水が滴り落ちる中、拭いてくれた代母も、祝ってくれた神父も、自分を取り囲んでいた人達全て、二度と同じ場所には集まらない。二度と、集まらないのだ。あの時抱えていた百合の花束も記憶の中で咲き続けているが、もう疾うに消えている。あの時愛した人も、別れた人も、出会った人も、顔を見上げた時に見えた光景も、私が何処へ向かって笑ったのかも、この時の登場人物も、私の感情も、二度と私の「今」を表さないし、視界の中には戻って来ない。

この消失を受け入れるか、再度また洗礼の記憶として残すのか、

長らく迷いがあったが、7年経ってようやく私はこの当時を振り返った。

確かに、洗礼を受けた時、私の魂は喜んだのだ。

2021年8月15日 

洗礼証明書

Om det oändliga(English.ver)

" life does not seem to be so sure and prosperous.

Arimasa Mori (By the Streams of Babylon)

In a story, there is a protagonist who reveals what seems to be true feelings. This is what makes a story simple to understand, and is often the case in Manga. But when it comes to art, to the pursuit of an idea, it is possible to write about people and leave the audience behind. If there is a time limit to the number of pages in a work, or to the duration of a film, then a life is artificially speeded up within that limit. Perhaps it is Roy Andersson’s “Om det oändliga” that falls short. There is no narrative technique here. It seems to me that human life is a series of inorganic things, and that there is an existence in motion that others cannot see. It is not a horror, it is a comical story.

For me, the scene in which a human imitation of Jesus walks down Golgotha Hill was comical. The modern costumes, cut down to the expense of a modern opera, the farce of a narcissistic director by his side, were truly an expression of the irony of the modern artist. Or perhaps this is a fashion show for a high brand that makes you think meaningfully. It was irony at its best in this day and age, when critics will praise anything to get a sale, even a bad one, because they want a job. The dream is of a pastor who has lost his faith.

And the pastor, who drinks a glass of wine before the service, was very funny.

People’ expectations of a story begin with their perception of it in their conscious world. It requires imagination to find commonalities and differences between one’s own conscious world and the conscious world of the work, and to fill them. Next, we move on to our own ideals. It is at this point that the work is sometimes evaluated as deviating from its essence. Some people are disciplined enough to read the intentions of the work, while others judge it on the basis of whether it conforms to their own desires.

Descartes found consciousness and innate ideas, but he could not find the real mind.

Science has returned to Descartes again and again, but the real mind is still unclear, even in neuroscience. For anyone who has been able to sort out consciousness from Husserl’s establishment of intersubjectivity to Heidegger’s immanence,

If you are able to organize your consciousness from Husserl’s inter-subjectivity to Heidegger’s immanence, you may find that this film is close to what Heidegger calls “Das Man”.

There is no wise man in this world who lives in his true nature. The film portrays a man who is always buried in a world of cloudy skies and non-essentials. We expect the existence of a person who has stepped out of the world like a person who lives his true nature. One of them is the presence of a role model in the character’s ” truthfulness “.

One of them is the presence of a model student.

I think that the truthfulness is more difficult to find than love. True feelings and love are related to each other, but But they work in different ways.

For example, I have a cat, Adam, who sometimes wakes me up suddenly in the morning. I am sleepy and have a hard time, but I don’t mean to, I don’t feel obliged to, and I always get up, even if I am a little late.

I never complain, I feel that I feel that I really love him.

Love is thus unplanned. If the camera had followed the description of Adam’s embrace and the treatment of him, we would have seen love there.  But if the film stops only at my drowsy inability to wake up quickly, my true feelings seem to be exhausted. My true feelings are unreliable and uninteresting to judge in a short time.

“Om det oändliga” lacks that kind of description that we expect.

People probably assume that there is something “truthfulness” in the work, but the truthfulness is cut out.

However, they can see their own expectations in it. If we wanted to see an unbelieving pastor turn. It would be I can forgive him for drinking wine twice before the service.

That’s how much I value the Holy Family, and how little I know about my own consciousness.

It’s the opposite of what the PR people want, but it’s a place where what you want has been cut out. However, I thought it was a kaleidoscope in which I could see what I wanted in what was cut out.

I think I will continue to delve into the real heart, good and evil, and love.

A lighter version of this is on twitter, but the interpretation is subject to change.

I see it as a new kind of realism. It might be an irony for people who, in more recent years, have lost sight of the authority of the individual voice, and who are no longer able to do more than make a fuss on social media about just that. It is now only celebrities and cartoons that pretend to be conscience or good. But is it possible to enjoy a fictional world that is not so different from the real one? This world exists like a painting, a fictional world itself.

And it is realistic. People don’t think about the rest of the story that was not shown. We look at the outside world with a narrow perception, unaware that it represents so much of who we are. We don’t realism that we are living in a world that has forgotten to enrich the inner world. I don’t understand the meaning of this film because I’m not aware of it.

my lovely Adam. My little one

SoarⅠ (English.ver)

Catholicism had yet to be philosophically organized.
Simone weil

There are many genres of fiction today, One of the things I love about literature is that it makes use of what is really only a record. A simple lost love can be embellished by a single word, a forgotten dead can have a meaning. The loneliness that people tell us to forget, the happiness that seems so ordinary, all depend on our own sensibility, and we can decide whether our life is just a record with oblivion or a shining life.

It is left to the sensibility of the writer to verbalize and leave behind the succession of moments that disappear from the world that no one picks up. Perhaps those who have such a point of view are those who are terrified of the moment disappearing as it is. Some people are happier to forget, others to talk about their misfortunes, so that their loneliness becomes cathartic through monologue.

For these people, the ability to speak their own language is important.

As for me, I create in the fictional world the heat that I did not live in the real world. There may be many emotions that I have killed for social reasons, but the emotions that I could not delete and the place where my faith lives is the fictional world. It is an introversion, but an extroversion that challenges the world. I’ve never been pessimistic about it.

Artists are left with only two choices: mere madness or genius. Van Gogh and Caravaggio are good examples. And Emilie Bronte, whose inner world was immeasurably darker than the one she wrote about in “Wuthering Heights”. A true artist does not look for “genius” to win the admiration of others. The poetic sentiment and the way of looking at things that he could not abandon is a God-given gift, and that is what he is in Christianity. The sensibility that almost killed me many times when I was urged to be social was never socially disadvantageous to me in life. What’s next is to find out if this really was a gift from God.

I want to know the answer to the question of whether it really was. Vladimir Nabokov’s “The Gift” is such a story, and it is also the story of Nabokov’s alter ego in exile in Russia.

One term I have coined is “Soar point”. It has taken me many years to get this theory down to an understanding.

I’m going to write about it in an irregular series.

 In the fictional world, there is no standard height of land. It is a world of language.

I try to write about light, temperature, color and space. The writing is plain, sober, rhyming, It is pregnant with poetic sentiment,

The words are like music, even the spaces between the letters are meaningful, and the protagonist walks through the world I have created, manipulating them.

The first work, ‘Pangaea Doll’, is based on a real patient in a laboratory in England. She was a patient who was strange, but who did not know where she had gone in the real world. The intersection of dream and reality was a psychological and scientifically possible delusion. But the name of the disease was something I made up. It was my first fictional world.

In the second work, “Iconograph”, there is no prominent fictional object, but the clock tower of a mechanical clock becomes imaginary. The phenomenology of the “bird’s nest” is based on the 13th chapter of Matthew’s Gospel.

Jesus was at sea, on a boat where no plants could grow. So he compared the Word of God to a seed. Some seeds can be sown in one place, but the birds will come and eat them. Other seeds fell on stony ground, where the soil was not deep enough and they sprouted quickly, but when the sun came up, they were burnt and withered away because they had no roots. It is difficult for the plant, the Word of God, to grow. ”Listen if you have ears.“The boy who hears these words and The protagonist, Kawamura Koune, goes on a journey of thought to hear God’s blessing. In Japan, Christianity is frowned upon if you don’t like it, and the characters cross over from longing for faith to oblivion, to disgust, and back to blessing. If this were the only explanation, people would mistakenly believe that there is no romance in this novel. That’s the trouble. There is love and death in this story too.

But the first reason I don’t say this is because I believe that waiting for the assessment of a mediocre love affair or death is just an emotional assessment. It is a sad fact that the real world is the same way. Death is equal, but there are special graves for special deaths, and classes for the deaths of the unconscious and the body. But the soul is equal, and the literary world can save even the most unlikely of beings. Literature must have the fervor to express what the masses have ceased to say. Love and death cannot be conveyed by begging only for sympathy, even if it is true. The soul may live without emotional sympathy if it is metaphorically told how the world works and how God works in it. The external world is rarely captured. But the enrichment of the inner world can make even an empty life seem like a footnote.

Many times I have been opposed to adding philosophy or religion to literature, but I have never given in. Perhaps it is because I know how cruel it is to assess the feelings of others. It follows that one’s own words do not grow, and that the same is true of God.

If the Word of God is a plant, it is the bird that spins it into a nest that grows beautifully. The bird’s nest is not only a bird’s nest, but also a part of the human world that it picks up and builds.

My fictional world is such a phenomenology. It represents the formation of orientation, the world created by orientation, while waiting for the analysis of existence. My literature is thus an amalgamation of spins, and there is no such thing as a complete lie. The heat that did not live in this world becomes a fiction.

Just as a bird’s nest still does not know exactly how to nest with precision, so I weave my experiences, my fantasies.  From the fictional “land” of the precise nest, uncertain of how it is completed, my story takes Soar. And the seeds dropped by these birds of fancy can grow or disappear. The reader’s understanding constructs a third world as a plant that grows. That image is both sad and hopeful.

The story must always take flight and Soar .

I have called it the ‘Soar point’.

Continued from (2) (Irregular)

飛翔点(1)





 

「カトリックをまだ哲学的に整理する人はいなかった」
シモーヌ・ヴェイユ

 小説というものも現代では数多くのジャンルがあるが、私の愛する「文学」というものの一つの魅力は、現実にとっては記録に過ぎないものを活かしてくれることだった。ただの失恋が言葉一つで綺麗になったり、忘れ去られる死が意味を持ったりもする。人から忘れろと言われた孤独も、平凡のように見える幸福も、全てが自分の感性次第で、人生をただの忘却を伴う記録か、輝いた人生だったのかがを受け取ることが出来る。

誰しもが拾わない世界から消え去られる瞬間の連続を、言語化して残せるものは作家の感性に委ねられている。恐らくそういう視点を持った者は、瞬間がそのまま消えてしまうことに恐怖を覚えた人であると思う。忘れるほうが幸せという人もいれば、不幸をどう語るか、それによって自分の孤独が独白によってカタルシス生み出す者もいる。

そういう人にとって、己の言語能力は重要なのである。

私の場合は、現実世界に生きなかった熱量を虚構世界に作る。社会性を重視して殺してしまった感情も多くあるかもしれないが、殺せなかった感情や、信仰が生きる場所は虚構世界だった。それは内向的であるが、世界に挑む外向性だった。 私は一度もそれに悲観的になったことはない。

芸術家はただの狂気か、天才か二択しか残されていない。ゴッホやカラヴァッジョ等良い例だと思う。エミリーブロンテも内面世界は計り知れない闇を持っていて「嵐が丘」に書き出した。真の芸術家は、他者からの称賛を得られる「天才」は求めていない。自分が捨てられなかった詩情や物事の捉え方が、神から与えられた賜物であると、キリスト教の中ではそういうことになる。社会性を促されて何度も殺されそうになった感性は、生きていて社会的に不利になったことはなかった。次は本当にこれが神の賜物だったのかどうか、

本当にそうであったのか、その答えが知りたいのだ。ウラジミール・ナボコフの「賜物」もそのような話であり、ロシアからアメリカへ亡命したナボコフの分身のような話である。

一つの私の造語で「飛翔点」がある。この自分の理論を理解まで詰めるのに何年もかかった。

今回は不定期にシリーズ化してそれについて書いていく。

 虚構世界は陸というものの基準となる高さが存在しないが、言語世界でありながらも、

光や体温、色や空間を書こうとしていく。それは平素な文で冷静にようで、詩情を孕んでいて、韻を踏み、日本語の場合は言語から見える概念、外国語の場合は言語が作り出す空間、

語感は音楽のように、文字と文字の空白すらも意味があるように、それらを操りながら、主人公は私が作った世界を歩いていく。

 第一作品目の「パンゲアドール」はイギリスの研究室にいた実在した患者をモデルに書いている。奇異でありながらも、現実世界では何処へ行ったのかも分からない患者だった。夢と現実の交差点は心理学的であり、科学的には存在しうる妄想だった。しかし、病名は私が作ったものだった。それが私の初めての虚構世界である。

 第二作品目の「イコノグラフ」は目立つ虚構らしきものが存在しないが、機械式時計の時計台が想像のものとなる。要となった「鳥の巣」の現象学がマタイの福音書13章を元に広げられている。

イエスは海にいて、植物が育つはずもない船の上にいた。そこで神の御言葉を種に例えた。ある場所に神の御言葉を蒔いても鳥がきて食べてしまう。ほかの種は土の薄い石地に落ちたが、そこは土が深くなく、すぐ芽を出したが、日が上ると焼けて、根がないために枯れてしまった。神の御言葉という植物が育つことは難しい。耳があるものは聞くが良い。この言葉を聞き取った少年と、主人公、川村光音は神の祝福を聞く思想の旅に出る。日本では、好きではないと疎まれるキリスト教、登場人物達は信仰への憧れから忘却、嫌悪感、そして再び祝福へと渡り歩いていく。これだけを説明すると人々は、この小説には恋愛がないと勘違いする。それが厄介だ。この話にも恋愛と死は存在する。

 しかし第一に言わないのは、凡庸な恋愛や死の評価を待つというのは感情の査定に過ぎないと思っているからだ。現実世界もそうであるのが哀しいところである。死は平等であるが、特別な死は特別な墓、無縁仏と肉体の死は階級がある。けれども魂は平等であり、文学世界は無縁仏のような存在も救い上げることがある。文学は、大衆が言葉にしなくなった事を突出して出す熱量が必要である。愛と死は、例え事実でも同情のみで乞うても伝わらないのである。世界がどのように現象し、神の働きがあるのかを隠喩を込めれば感情の共感が得られなくても、その魂は生きるのかもしれない。外界世界というのは捉えられることは少ない。しかし内面世界を豊にすることは、虚しい人生さえも脚色する。

私は文学に、何度も哲学を添えることも、宗教を添えることも反対されたが、譲らなかった。恐らく、他者の感情の査定がどれほど残酷か知っているからだと思う。己の言葉が育たない、それは神も同じことであり、信徒はそれに続くのである。

神の御言葉が植物だとすれば、見事に育った先にそれを紡ぎだすのが鳥であり、鳥の巣である。鳥の巣というものは、それだけではなく人間世界の一部をつまみとって巣を作っていく。

私の虚構世界とはそのような現象学である。志向性の成立、志向性が作り出した世界を表しながら、存在の分析を待っている。私の文学にはこのように、紡ぎだしたものの集合体であり、完全な嘘は存在しない。この世に生きなかった熱量が虚構になっていく。

鳥の巣が未だに厳密にどのように精密に巣を作るのか分からないように、私もそのように、経験や空想という経験も紡いでいく。どのように完成されたのか不透明なまま、精密な巣という虚構の「陸」から、私の物語は飛翔する。そして、その空想の鳥達が落とした種は育つこともあれば、消えてしまう。読者の理解は育った植物として第三の世界を構築する。そのイマージュは切なくもあり希望でもある。

必ず物語は飛翔しなければならない。

私はそれを「飛翔点」とした。

(2)に続く。(不定期)

Victim’s detention centre(English.ver)

Johan Liebert is the titular character in “Monster“but Not drawn by the author. It’s a homage.
Author unknown. Additions are required.

At that moment, that monster appeared in front of me.

Was Mom trying to help me?
Was she confusing me with my sister?
Which one?

Mom! don't let go!

Monster Naoki Urasawa

 

Sometimes I believe that being a victim is like being in a prison camp. Once you have tasted it, you can’t communicate it to others, even in your own language.

Since birth, I have found myself in the camps many times. The first one I remember was when I was seven years old. It was a female teacher. If my ego, my present experience, was broken, it was because of this teacher. Still, no one helped me. In the midst of hatred and sorrow, I found the light. That was the first liberation. I don’t know who was teaching me at that time. But my monologue grew as I acquired a phenomenological vision. The sky in my memory was always blue, but the words were always gloomy. This was affirmed by psychology. It said that man is a coexistence of the definite and the anti-definite.

In phenomenology, the “moment”, the present rather than the future or the past, becomes prominent.  In it, the childhood mind imagined the light of the future in the “moment”. That was my sustenance. As he entered the camp again and again, he noticed that the light was becoming weaker and weaker. When the light gets weaker, I notice that I have compatriots. I can see better in the dark, I guess that’s a sign that I’ve grown up.

I’ve seen all kinds of victims, and I’ve seen people who choose to go to jail. The highest penalty for perpetrators is the death penalty and victims also go to jail.

I’ve seen it happen to some people, they think they’re going to die.

I find myself saying to myself.

“Forget it”

Then the signal for release rings and I am let out. My wounds had healed and I had no right to speak. My words became a barrier between us and the rest of the camp.

On love and justice, I have written repeatedly since the opening of this blog that love and justice can be contradictory, but this time I would like to talk about John Paul II. Mehmet Ali Ağca , a Turk, shot John Paul II on May 13, 1981, but saved his life. Mehmet Ali Ağca was sentenced to life in prison, but was pardoned by the Pope who shot him.

 John Paul II was later the victim of another assassination attempt, and in his later years he suffered from Parkinson’s disease and the after-effects of the assassination attempt.

Mehmet Ali Ağca was saddened by the Pope’s death and was only allowed to offer flowers; I only know that he hopes to be a Catholic priest in 2016, but I am not certain.

I don’t know what was truly in John Paul II’s heart, but his writings are full of light.

I do not know the true heart of John Paul II, but his writings are full of light, and they are also full of darkness. It is beside the light.

It is not a warning to blind sinners, but a guide to the lost sheep.

In the chapter “The Rejection of the World” of ” Opens the Door to Hope” he says: “When the true teaching is unpopular. When the true teaching is unpopular, it is unacceptable to seek easy popularity”.

The camps in which the victims were held were also filled with rivalries. Invariably, people with revolutionary fantasies would begin to attack others.

They start attacking people. Then there is a thinly-veiled gathering of those who have been “deceived by simple words”.The victims suffer not only temporary damage, but also secondary and tertiary damage, the rejection of the world.

Jesus Christ says in Matthew 7:13,14 that the road to eternal salvation is neither wide nor comfortable, but rather narrow and difficult. The Saviour Christ, whom the masses misunderstand, does not teach a comfortable way.

He does not teach a comfortable path. In fact, many people mistake God for the Saviour and criticise him.

Sometimes the Saviour is really an “idol” created for the world or by popular desire.

Victims are the “idols” to whom we must pay attention. If you know what this means, you know what it was like to be a victim in a prison camp. When they go out, they will not forget what it was like there. Those who don’t know what it means are hypocrites who don’t know that they are the mass media and that they are hurting people. He is a delusional revolutionary who never doubts his own “goodness”.

People who don’t know the threat of the sword are hurting many people with their pens.

They are no longer heading for the camps of the victims.

It is heading for the real prison, where criminals go.

In the book of Revelation, the beast is a number and has no name. Revelation 13 speaks of a beast with ten horns and seven heads, “Who can stand against this beast?  Who can fight against this beast? The answer was a demand for wisdom. (Verse 18)

The wise man should consider what the number of the beast means.

The number represents man.

The beast is man. Those who know this are humble.

The hypocrite only wants others to bear arms. The Saviour lets them know that he heals.

The hypocrite is quick to invite sympathy with weakness. The Saviour bears his wounds in silence. For he knows that the hypocrite will come soon.

I couldn’t say “forget it” to one of the victims who was more pitiful than me.

I will never forget the darkness, because it is still on my mind. I wonder where he was taken.

I wonder where he was taken. I wonder if he ever saw the light.

It is the hypocrites of today who have cut off the network of communication.

What is easy to understand tells us about darkness. What is hard to understand is that we all have it.

We all have it. We all have a beast in our hearts.

I could go on for a long time with this parable.

If you are a victim facing the death penalty, all I can say is this.

This death sentence can be retried. Demand it.

There have been many invitations to die, but I hope you live to shame.

Naoki Urasawa’s Monster stirred a young mind in me. It was rare to find a manga that taught me the difference between a saviour and a god when everyone else was so chaotic and “I don’t believe in god”. It was popular in the UK and I read it in the UK. The main character, Tenma, knows Johan’s real name, but it is not revealed until the end. He was a beast, but he was also a man. He was the victim of an East German conspiracy, but he was also a sinner.

That is why they did not give the saint the same name as his real name. He was wonderfully faithful to Revelation 13, which he used as a quote.

Revelation is about a man named John, but the author is unknown.

The Little Mermaid and Christian Existentialism(English.ver)

Edmund Dulac
Night after night, morning after morning, the little mermaid went to the beach to see if she could find her prince.

Andersen's The Little Mermaid

Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid” is one that makes me think over and over again. I won’t comment on the Disney version

I’m not going to comment on the Disney version of “The Little Mermaid” because I don’t care for it, but many commentaries on the original story end with the Little Mermaid turning into bubbles and dying, when in fact there is more to the story.

But in fact there is more to the story. The little mermaid, who did not get a human soul, does not go to heaven but becomes a spirit. It is explained to her that she is not a bad spirit and that she can go to heaven after 300 years. If she comes into contact with a good child, her day will be one day earlier, but if she meets a bad child, it will be one day later. Andersen’s message to the children is.

Be a good boy so that the Little Mermaid can go to heaven as soon as possible.

The Little Mermaid is made up of three main elements.

(1) existentialism

(2)love

(3)Christian thought

The Little Mermaid is said to have been influenced by Fouquet’s “Undine”. For the Christian world, the Holy Spirit of water lives apart from the grace of God. Probably this is based on the biblical interpretation that water existed from the beginning of Genesis. Such a confrontational being tries to become a human being, which makes the reader imagine what it means to be human. The setting was such that a being like the Little Mermaid would not be as short-lived as a human being. And most of all, they were afraid of death. Mermaids can live for 300 years, but after death they turn into bubbles.In the world of mermaids, the old people do not doubt that they are happy to live 300 years longer and drift away in bubbles, and only the youngest mermaid princess yearns for human death and soul. Only the youngest, the mermaid princess, yearns for human death and the soul, as well as for eternity.

For her, it was “love” that gave her the opportunity to do so. The world of mermaids can ascend to the world of humans at the age of 15. For these girls, it was their one chance to see the world that God had created. Each of the sisters has seen the world of God’s grace in different ways. From the bottom of the water to the top, it is the same for the believer to see each landscape. It is often misunderstood that each landscape is different, just as each believer is unique, even though they read the same Bible. The immanent world of the mermaid (later refuted by Husserl) is existentialist, just as Kierkegaard said that we must quit chasing ‘truth’ and challenge philosophy by separating philosophy from theology. Only the youngest, the Little Mermaid, has acquired something called “love”. Love is the feeling of wanting to connect with someone. With the occult mysticism of the witch, she became a human being.

However, she has lost her voice and her legs hurt. To get rid of this, she had to be discovered by the prince.

The Little Mermaid is a symbol of the “poor” for Andersen. The mermaid is a symbol of the “poor ” for Andersen, a man who had almost no human rights, but who thought calmly about how he could get his rights, which were financial. In the world of the Bible, language is considered to be important. That’s what the first chapter of John’s Gospel says This is because in the first chapter of John’s Gospel, the Logos hymn, “With God was speech”, is also attributed to man.

The pain in the feet is because the legs were the proof that he had become a man from a mermaid, and because the biblical world values that there is always suffering during life.

When you read the original story in detail, the Little Mermaid is actually loved by the prince. He is searching for the little mermaid after she has fallen and disappeared. The prince and princess are grieving the loss of the little mermaid and are staring at the sea foam.

It was agape, not dyeing, not erosive. It is perhaps ironic that the poorer a person is, the less he or she is able to achieve real happiness and the more he or she has to depend on God’s love, the love of God, the love that surrounds him or her, agape. In order to exist as a human being, the Little Mermaid had to obtain something substantial.In order to have human rights, she had to belong to an authority such as a prince.In order to have human rights, she had to belong to an authority such as a prince.  The love of marriage is substantial and mysterious.

Marriage is one of the most mysterious things in Christendom. The irony of this is existentialism and realism. This story exists in both.

At first glance, “I fell in love with a prince” seems like an optimistic dream.

Compared with, for example, Charles Perrault’s fairy tales about a nobleman’s daughter, Andersen’s cruelty is out of line. But he believed in the love of God.

This drift is well expressed in Andersen’s work.

I have heard that the only people who were not hostile to Andersen were the children he read to.I have heard it said. He wanted the children to love the Little Mermaid, to feel pure pity for her. And we read to them to remind them to be good so that she can go to heaven one day.

And as we grow older, we are influenced again and again by the pure love of the Little Mermaid.  She must have found happiness. She fell in love with a prince in the world of God’s grace.

She fell in love with a prince in the world of God’s grace.

This is not a sad story. It is a look at what we do.

MakotoTakahashi”The little Mermaid”

About perfume (English)

I have tried many perfumes. I have tried many fragrances, some I liked better than Chanel No. 5.The worst of them were the ones that deteriorated too quickly. The worst was the discoloration of the pigment, which made it look unattractive. Perhaps one of the charms of Chanel No. 5 is that it has survived for so long because its golden color continues to shine in its simple bottle even after it has lost its perfumed scent.

A perfume is a symbol of its time. Therefore, when the time has passed, the fragrance becomes old-fashioned. For example, a young woman would not want to wear the perfume that his mother wore, or more specifically, that his grandmother wore. The notes of the perfume change with the fashion of the clothes and the image of the woman. Chanel’s No. 5 remains a survivor in this context.

The perfumer of Chanel No. 5 was Ernest Beaux, a Russian. The perfume that was popular when he was born and grew up was a floral fragrance itself. The aldehydes, essential to Chanel No. 5, are essential to the harmony of the fragrance. Beaux never revealed the formula of the aldehyde in his life, and there is a paper claiming that the prototype of No. 5 was Rallet No. 1, which he sold to the real Rallet company in Imperial Russia. There are many doubts about this article and people’s misremembering and hearsay mislead them.

At the perfumer’s school in Grasse, France, students are given the task of reproducing Chanel No 5. There are more than 80 fragrances included in Chanel No 5. Jasmine, ylang-ylang, vanilla, rose, musk, coumarin, etc. Recreating them on your own is like playing chess with a strong grandmaster. Sensibility, experience and knowledge are the key, but so is light and luck.

Perhaps the famous perfumers who work for Vuitton and Dior have also passed this challenge because they grew up in Grasse from an early age. Jacques Cavallier , the perfumer of Vuitton, in particular, has created several fragrances that surpass those of Chanel. It may be a misnomer to say that he has surpassed Chanel, but he has created fragrances that do not flatter the ordinary people in the declining art world of the 21st century. Even he has not yet reached the beauty of post-degradation. However, I will not lower my opinion of it, because it is perfect among the artists of today, but In my opinion that it will be a difficult perfume to last for centuries. If the intention was to make it exclusively for today, it would be perfect.

There are three types of perfumes: natural, synthetic and concoctions. There are more than 200 natural fragrances, some of which are animal, and the musk in No5 is synthetic according to the Washington Convention.

Those who knew No5 in the 1980s will have noticed a change in the fragrance. And

I’m pretty sure I heard that Chanel No. 5 was reformulated a few years ago after a toxic substance was found in it.

I couldn’t find an article about it. I remembered this because I bought No. 5 again. For a while I used to love the perfumes of Vuitton and Dior, but then I came back to them. Then I felt that the scent was different from before.  Can’t imagine the pretty pink roses from the outside,” Rose de Mai “is the strongest scent of roses, and Chanel No. 5 is like a collection of all the images of roses. However, the recent scent of No. 5 is more powdery and less concentrated. I am sorry if I remember wrongly, but it may be inevitable that the formula changes due to circumstances.

Fragrance is even more fragile than sound. They cannot be stored for long periods of time and, like music, there is no way to record them. It depends on the memory and the record, and even if the record is reproduced, the fragrance can be different depending on the sensibility of the perfumer. It is inevitable that fragrances change with the times. The only thing that can be recorded is the scent, which is our own memory. And it’s not something you can share as much as you might think. Many people may love it, but that doesn’t mean that their friends do.

And since perfumes change their scent depending on the human skin, it’s difficult to reconcile memories, even if your friends love to wear matching ones. Perhaps the scents of the seasons are easier to recall again and again. The charm of perfumes, however, is that they deteriorate and die very easily. In the case of a painter, it would be like the disappearance of an expensive painting, but with perfumes, the price of which, including the perfumer’s labour, is high enough for the average person to afford, we accept the fate of fading away. As Chekhov said, “Simplicity is the sister of genius”, and perfume is a way of simplifying, in a small bottle, what we all follow and what we are attached to.

A whiff of the perfume and I am instantly comfortable in my skin.  It is a moment that will never return. Scent is more solitary than we think, it affects others without us knowing it. The boyfriend who looked back at me and said “I thought that was your perfume” when I arrived, the friend who said that only the scent remained when I left, the hairdresser who said that when he opened his wardrobe and was happy to note that it smelled good, it was your coat. Each of these fragrances makes our memories richer. We are all going to disappear one day, and these little moments are not recorded. We are all going to disappear one day, and these little moments are not recorded.  Some of my friends who have spoken of my scent have already died, and the memory of my memory is slipping away.

It is almost a loss.

I love the fragrance because it does not lie in its transience.

Louis Vuitton

Perfumer: Jacques Cavallier

Attraplave is my favourite. Peony is not available as a perfume, so it is a creation of the perfumer. Probably Attraplave is the closest. It’s not dull, it’s mature, but it shows the lovely impression of Peony.

Job(The Old Testament) English ver

Art: Léon Joseph Florentin Bonnat”Job”
Job 38:41

Who provides food for the raven
    when its young cry out to God
    and wander about for lack of food?

The Bible is divided into two parts, the Old and the New Testaments, each of which has a different mission.The Old and New Testaments are divided into the historical books, the wisdom books, the prophetic books and the apocalyptic books, while the New Testament is divided into the gospels and epistles. (etc)Some philosophers who are not familiar with religion mistake wisdom literature for prophecy and gospels for apocalypse, and start to talk about conspiracy theories and prophecy from non-prophecy.

Job is the “wisdom literature” of the Old Testament, and a major theme is that “God gives and takes away”. This is often thought of in conjunction with the “Ecclesiastes “where Job is a chapter about suffering given by God and Ecclesiastes is a chapter about facing emptiness and death because of wealth. Wisdom literature leaves behind various stages of wisdom, from the mundane sufferings of everyday life to the lofty and mysterious feelings of the fear of God. These are for the purpose of helping people to escape from suffering and to improve themselves in a life made up to human sins and mistakes.

It is the aim of the book of Job to instil in us the fear of God as well as the wisdom to ask and answer questions. This story is a relatively “literary” favourite of the Japanese.

Job was a righteous and just man. God ‘loved’ Job so much that he boasted of him to the devil.

The devil had already interfered with Job, but Job never turned to evil. God was proud of that and told the devil that it was no use doing anything to Job. But the devil said that he had only flayed him, that he had only given all his wealth for his life, and that if he got any nearer to bone and flesh, Job would curse God. God let the devil go again, on condition that Job’s life not be taken.

The devil caused Job to lose many, Many things. He lost his children, his livestock, his servants, and even a skin disease. The first one to give up was his wife. But Job was still serious and said, “Since God has given me happiness, why don’t I have some misfortune?

However, three of Job’s friends (philosophers) come to comfort him, and during their conversation, Job gradually begins to express his resentment towards God. The friends say, “You must have done something”, but Job finally says, “I didn’t do anything”. His friend tells him to apologize to God and make peace.

But Job was adamant that he had nothing to apologize for. Then there are more questions in which the three men blame Job. After the last argument between Eliph (the philosopher) and Job, the word finally comes from God:  “Who is this, that, without knowledge, he should darken the empire with word after word?”

God converses with Job alone, and asks him how much of the world he knows.

Job reaffirmed his acceptance of the existence of an omniscient and omnipotent God, saying that he did not know the depths of the world or how it came to be, and he prayed for the three men involved in the debate.

And Job was rewarded more than before with God’s blessing.

The Bible, including the book of Job, has few “internal monologues”. Therefore, there are many places where we cannot see the direct psychology and facts of the characters. Therefore, it is possible for various people to continue to search for empathy and facts throughout the long history. The book of Job, like Genesis, is written using the direct narrative discourse method. The Lord’s (God’s) other narrators show the inner life of Job and the Lord. The book is written in prose and rhyme, with the prose enlightening Job to his faith in God, and the rhyme accusing him of injustice.

 We do not know why God loved Job so much, except that he was a “righteous man”, because there is no “internal monologues” of God. Furthermore, we do not know why God released the devil. We all have a tendency to see suffering as punishment and to be convinced of it. Job is not convinced by the questions and answers of his friends who surround him and continue to pursue the ” Fact of Suffering”.

The reality is that any discussion of God or destiny is only between human beings.

“Who has heard the Voice of the true God? That is the question.

It is true that in reality we can only talk to each other while we are alive. In Osamu Dazai’s “人間失格”, when he is accused by his friend Horiki that “the world will not forgive that”.

It is reminiscent of the famous scene in Osamu Dazai’s “人間失格” where the protagonist pulls back without saying, “Isn’t it you who are the World?

It is reminiscent of the famous scene where the protagonist pulls back without saying, “Isn’t the world about you?”

”The world won’t let that happen”

“Not the world. You won’t let it happen, will you?”

“The world will give you a hard time for doing that.”

“Not the world. It’s you, isn’t it?”

“The world will bury you now.”

“Not the world. It’s you who will be buried, isn’t it?”

This structure is similar to that of the dialogue between Job and his friends.

It is almost impossible to hear the voice of truth directly in the real world. In the real world it is almost impossible to hear the voice of truth directly, but only Job can communicate with God through his stories. The God of the Old Testament spoke directly to Adam, Job and Joseph, or told them dreams, but since the birth of Jesus in the New Testament, God has been silent.

For Christians, this pursuit is done through prayer throughout their lives.

Each with his or her own answers, to die in the end. Will the prayers of life match the prayers of death?  The question is a mystery.

The outcome of the pursuit of suffering is the love of God. There is no mistaking that.

The Old Testament was a dialogue from God to humans, a faith from below to above.

In the New Testament, God sent Jesus down. Jesus walked to the people on his own feet.

That is how the mystery descended, when a being beyond human understanding broke through the thick walls of the lower world.

Read the Bible many times and you will find empathy and inspiration before logic. I was sure of it.God is there, beyond our own indwelling, beyond the common sense of the world. God’s love is there.When will we reach it?

We don’t have to force ourselves to think that we have God’s love in our grasp. It is good to live a life of waiting for God’s love. God’s love is not only about grace, it also saves people. What does not reach us is only “economy” and “politics”.An economy and politics without the love of God means collapse. It does not have to be only the voice of man that accompanies our suffering. Like Job.

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