Man’s Search for Meaning (English)

All of us in the camps knew and told each other that there was no happiness on earth that could compensate us for our troubles.

…trotzdem Ja zum Leben sagen:Ein Psychologe erlebt das Konzentrationslager
Viktor Emil Frankl

  1. First
  2. Second
  3. Third
  4. Fourth
  5. Fifth
  6. Last

First

Room 18 in the basement of the Auschwitz camp was the prison where Father Kolbe was held. Why is there a small window there? What did the sunshine mean? It was such a space, a mediocre room that a painter could paint rest in a poor hut, if analogy could be made. It smelled like dust and rust on my nose, and I don’t remember what the temperature was that day. Painful seems to rob me of a sense of the four seasons. I continue to listen to the color of my skin floating in the dark space and the description not in my native language, and I only pay attention to the words of my phase. Cruel places where many people have died, in fact, are neither special nor exist in Japan. For example, the station where the sarin gas attack on the underground took place. I passed there many times when I was a student. Sometimes it is hard to describe the weight of the souls that were cruelly taken away from us.

Not only that, but the Auschwitz camp was also a place where God and Jesus Christ did not come to save. Evidence of this can be seen everywhere in the other prisons, where crosses were dug into the ground with nails. They would have begged and pleaded, but salvation never came. It signals the despair of the invisible soul.

Second

In the concentration camps prepared by Nazi-Deutschland, it was not only people who died in gas chambers or from poison. Others died of suicide, starvation and disease. Deaths in the facilities, all of which are lumped together in the death toll of the camps, make concentration camps the root of evil. There were other dictatorships in other countries, but it seems to be a chosen place that has been so clearly narrated and left behind. We cannot easily ask locals about dictatorships in other countries. Comparatively speaking, the camps in Poland, which can be visited like Auschwitz, are an asset.

Why would something that was a democracy produce such a tragedy, I will not go into the details of German history this time. However, the birth of Nazi Germany was also a democracy for its time. In the case of Japan, the first thing that comes to mind is national review. How effective the national review is (Article 79 of the Constitution of Japan) is not clear to most people, although we know how it works, because none of the judges have yet been dismissed from the national review.

Realizations always spring up ‘after the fact’. There is a delusion about ‘democracy’ and democratic politics, but if there is cruelty, it is now hidden in the micro rather than the macro. Emotions from personal experience are not a problem, but the emotions of incidents happening on the other side of the world are just ‘excitement’ when you get right down to it. For example, If a celebrity commits suicide, you have feelings about it as if it were your own family. but Today, that would be a nuisance to the bereaved family.

Even if the bereaved family cries for understanding in a TV broadcast, if viewers sympathies with them and post it on social media, they are sued for defamation. For the victims, they make a fuss about being told by others without their knowledge. Only equivalent celebrities have the right to sympathy for the people on the other side of the television. That has become the modern age. More and more we are being meta and not exposed to the phenomenon.

Thus, in contemporary discourse, the view that it is not the fault of a single building, such as a camp, becomes natural. medical malpractice, or the problems in the schools, about what happened in that one space. It was suicide, so it was self-inflicted – it was starvation, so it had nothing to do with it – the cause of death was illness. ‘They didn’t all die the same way in the same space. So there is no scientific basis for it’ That is the modern world.

The ‘counter-existence’ is formed by what is given by the ‘counter-other’. One, if it is called ‘death without evidence’, its existence is determined. How do we accept the gaze that determines it? Do we take on that gaze honestly, or do we have a subjective self as a ‘counter-self’ in the Sartre sense? The difference between the objective gaze and the subjective self is ‘freedom’. V. E. Frankl in Man’s Search for Meaning also held on to ‘hope’ in Auschwitz, against the positioned decision. This is not a particularly unusual story, as it has been a guiding principle since the time of the Epictetus regarding servitude and freedom.

Third

I was shown the Gulf War on television when I was in primary school. Classes were interrupted and we kept watching the bulletins, which showed people lying under the rubble. Night vision technology was a hot topic at the time, and we were shown how easy it was to hit the target, even in an operation to set fire to an oil field on the Iraqi side to spread smoke. After saying that they would have been killed, the comment was made that it was probably a mother and son. Whether it was a US soldier, my memory is not clear. It was so disheartening that I wondered if people had really died at this moment. The homeroom teacher at the time explained that if there is a war now, it will not be like Grave of the Fireflies, and that weapons have evolved like night vision devices.

Grave of the Fireflies

As well as not doubting that all human beings are equal, we vaguely believed (as a certainty) that we had peace with Article 9 of the Constitution. Nevertheless, having children write about their thoughts on peace was as if to say that they can only write about it when they are children. Why do adults make children write, and why do adults stop saying it? Why do parents and homeroom teachers end up ‘teaching’ children? Why are people who talk about peace guests? Teachers and people close to them do not talk about what they know. People whose personal lives are not affected go home talking about their war experiences.

Eventually, as they grow up, some of their friends wake up and realis that what they have received was a left-wing education. Why is Article 9 supposedly admired around the world, but the world does not emulate it? Other countries have armies as normal. When ‘we’ raise questions about it, the world accuses us of leaning to the right. Yet the world calls that awakening ‘evil’. But that is only a fragment of the world. We don’t know the essence of the world. Article 9 of the Constitution is only a corner of it. The country of Japan is not as ‘known’ as it should be. But this is just another world I have walked through. The world is a wide place. The right answer is probably just as complex and wide.

It is not certain that even the Gulf War images seen at that time were real. The only reliable fact that can be traced back is “Stock price”. Stock price records seem to be the universal language. Analysis is subject to interpretation, but the figures do not lie: after Iraq invaded Kuwait on 2 August 1990, stock prices fell vertically. This is followed by a slump in October and November, but a slight rebound in December.17 January 1991, the Gulf War begins with the bombing of Iraq by Multinational Force Iraq.

Afterwards, it recovers to the same level as before the invasion of Kuwait. What was the tragedy we saw in the classroom then, and did the parents and children really die then? As an adult, I look at stock prices and other prices as if to overcome my childhood fears. When the contingency of war is also a certainty, the market raises expectations. Stocks recover as if the feeling of fear is ignorance.

Fourth

I had a strong sense of existentialism when I went back to my memory. Probably the generation that saw the Gulf War as children tended towards existential philosophy. (Strictly, with the ideal that existentialism could change the frustration that builds up) And those who educated us were inclined towards structuralism. Even John Paul II praised the structuralist Lévi-Strauss as a good philosopher.

Sartre and Husserl phenomenology were overshadowed, but the more they were hidden, the more I followed my ‘uncertain certainties’, because there was no being close at hand to answer the experiences I felt. Is what you see reflected in my mind something that is connected to the world? Yet it exists, even outside of consciousness. Even while we are asleep, the real world is stirring outside our consciousness. News of war is only part of reality. Of course, it is difficult to make a clear distinction between structure or existence as to why I felt the way I did about what is handed to me by the world. In all of them there is something to sympathies with and feel. 

Our generation was educated by those who did not benefit from the bursting of the Economic bubble, so the world was seen as ironic. At the same time, we were given a lot of dreams that never existed, such as ‘people are equal’. And even after a crisis like 911 in 2001, the economy always recovered: a 10% fall followed by a quick rebound. In fact, it was the Enron collapse in December 2001 and the WorldCom accounting fraud in June 2001 that caused the big drop. War would end the world, and it was only natural that this perception would fade.

Fifth

What do you think of Auschwitz? When asked that question, existence itself is a wall away for those of us who don’t think of everyday life in terms of war. What mattered was the world of peacetime. Man’s Search for Meaning were reinterpreted for 911 in a new translation in 2003. While the brutal images from the camps in the old translation have been erased, we have seen only the fireworks of peace slogans in the reality of the Iraq war. We bemoan the youth who don’t know human pain, but when we were children, we compensated for it with our imagination. But it didn’t mean anything when we understood it. The metadata personality of ‘not knowing human pain’ was formed that way even after the war. That would be an undeniable fact. 

Hannah Arendt warned that people imprisoned at Auschwitz would be forgotten over time. She referred to the tortured deaths of those held at Auschwitz, and the deaths forgotten with the passage of time, as a double death. This would be the Auschwitz camp I visited. The records as historical are not imbued with the space. In Room 18, where Father Kolbe was, there was just an empty space inside. He lived his life without thinking in terms of contingencies, and that is a testimony. What would this place look like if you came here with no prior information and an English translation for tourists? Events do not speak beyond information. Existence precedes essence “We mean that man first of all exists” It is an endlessly silent, somehow felt suppression. The meaning of the building’s existence continues to be expressed by human beings. The marks of the cross engraved with nails do not name the scribe. The proof that God did not come is still only despair. They say that it was futile to pray, or that Sartre was an atheist, but Frankl, who was imprisoned in Auschwitz, as a psychologist, left ‘hope’ behind.

In Auschwitz, a place where there is no creative freedom, he remained strong that only his inner life would not be taken away from him. There would naturally be a hidden escape. Those who believed they would be liberated by Christmas committed suicide on Christmas Day with the current of the iron bars. That is why Frankl feared easy hope. In the camps, some people gave alms to others even though they were suffering, while others became mad demons. In the absence of any soul-operating experience, he said that only the value of attitude would not be taken away, even in a place where it was not known whether God would come or not. It includes ‘prayer’.

When Man’s Search for Meaning was published(new translation)in 2003, it was introduced that those of us who had not experienced anything as bad as Auschwitz should naturally have ‘hope’. I thought at the time that was a little different. I thought about the meaning of why Frankl wrote about ‘hope’, which he portrayed in the midst of cruelty, rather than the ‘cruelty’ of Auschwitz.

The historical fact of Auschwitz comes in different forms. That is because human misery is inevitable. I think, even in retrospect, that I was a Sartre ‘condemned to be free’. We have always been forced to feel happy because we are at peace. But in fact, this is not the case. Only those who have known misery can realis this. Even if there is no war, everyone has misfortune, like Hisako Nakamura, who lost both arms. Hisako, who lost both arms due to illness, was brought up strictly by her mother. Like her, everyone falls into a situation where the ‘home’ itself is like a prison camp. Hisako, who was missing both arms, was given a sewing kit by her mother. Without arms, sewing means using the mouth. Naturally, saliva would get on it, but her mother did not allow it. When Hisako learned to sew, she showed the audience how she sewed as the ‘Daruma Maiden’ at a freak show, still holding a grudge against her mother.

Hisako Nakamura

Nevertheless, Hisako forgave her mother and was grateful. While this was based on her Jodo Shinshu teachings, she did not take what she was taught for granted. She realized that it was because of her mother’s strictness that she was able to become independent. But even today in Japan, although this idea is a beautiful story, the mother’s position is that of ‘abuse’. Society must provide ‘comprehensive’ support through welfare and other means to prevent this from happening. Frankl quoted Nietzsche on the most painful human suffering. ‘Suffering itself is not the problem. It is the lack of an answer to the cry ‘what is the cause of suffering’ that is the problem.”

This idea is a ‘freedom’ held by subjectivity, objecting to a given ‘being’. Frankl was also given the ‘fate’ of a dying Jew. But he held out hope. It is freedom but suffering. How freedom is a responsibility, and how heavy it is. Hisako is no different. From her position of being without both arms, she achieved a feat that was almost impossible. It is suffering, and it is ‘freedom’ that tried to overcome her position. All they are integrated into life as untold history. Auschwitz has become a metonymized entity: in Room 18, Father Kolbe took over the dying fate of other Jews. The world does not speak of them. It is ‘man’ who records them to the world. And yet, how many years can one leave behind? Why is it that the faces of anguish in paintings from centuries ago are still recognizable today? For example, Will Shakespeare still be around a hundred years from now? Why is it that what Father Kolbe did is still great today? It is man who makes sure that records are kept, but who creates the destiny that allows them to be kept?

Last

Sartre, who was a genius, missed his prediction before the Second World War when he said that Germany would not go to war. How did a dictatorship arise in Germany, which was supposed to be a democracy? The question can still be asked today. However, there is inevitably no end to speech and violence. This is because there is a ‘will’ in people. The will cannot be unified: the Covid19 epidemic has not subsided, the war between Russia and Ukraine, and in Japan the controversy continues after the assassination of former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe on 8 July 2022. I cannot recall a word from my childhood when I could so easily reject these conflicts. Children today may be cleverer, but a child’s words are not allowed to cross the world. Maybe that is why it is children who can go to the Kingdom of Heaven. (Matthew 19:13-15) 

Our pursuit of human goodness is not always beautiful. We move away from heaven little by little as we defile our souls, as we defile ourselves, as we struggle. We cannot abandon it because we must live with ‘will’. Even if we put an end to today’s challenges, is it something that will dissolve into history and be forgotten, or is it something that will be imprinted on individual souls?

Keeping silent, like the adults of the past, certainly seems like a bad thing. But what if we cannot protect our precious beings if we do not answer the demands of fate? If adults fight, children lose their place in the world. If teachers have made deviant statements, children feel insecure. Maybe that’s why they kept quiet back then. Was it adult self-deception? Or was  ‘consideration’? It is not possible in heaven to know the complexity of human beings. Is that not the will to struggle to live? If the dead sleep-in peace, the living must awaken. It will come, even in silence. 

We must have experienced hardships and cruelty in each of our growing up years. We should not compare our misfortunes with others. Invariably, there is some trivial love left in people. The driving force behind Frankl’s books can be said to be Agape. Faith in human goodness would be to remember that. Even if, in any future situation.

Weeds were beautiful in Auschwitz.

――Like Mary at the feet of Jesus.

Literature and Mob Justice(SoarⅡ)

For the wages of sin is death, Rome6:23

Introduction

Some people say the Bible is a piece of literature, but I believe the words of the unknown man who said, “The Bible is not literature. When I was a young aspiring writer, I started by accepting that I didn’t exist, like an “unnamed worm”. Fiction is also a way to leave behind what you want to say, but you can’t leave it behind if you write it the way it is. This is why it was necessary to think calmly and reject ideas by revising. Embracing that cruelty, with the Bible at the top, my ego is humbled. Because everything is written in the legacy of the past, with the Bible above:There is no virgin in the imagination, and that was the beginning of my life as a writer. It was about “writing a cruelty story”, especially about “Mob Justice”. The quotation from Romans, “The wages of sin is death”, continued to move across the manuscript as it has been rewritten many times:Sometimes it was the introduction, sometimes characters who never came into the world spoke about this quotation. Actually, the words of the Bible continue. “but the gift of God is eternal life in[a] Christ Jesus our Lord.“and it will be explained that Jesus offers forgiveness to those who cannot break the flow of sin, and that the dead cannot sin.

And Then There Were None and Bergson’s philosophy

I also preferred Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” during my recuperation from 2018 onwards. There are no detectives in this story. From the perspective of the third person, each corpse appears to speak, and the truth is summed up in the letter of Aposiopesis. There are ten people gathered here who have committed crimes that cannot be judged by the law. One of the murdered victims, Emily Brent, was a fanatic who had driven her pregnant servant to suicide. Ten individuals gathered here have committed crimes that cannot be tried by law. One of the victims, Emily Brent, was a fanatic who forced her pregnant maid into suicide.

Maybe she thought she would be killed afterwards, but she tried to stabilize her mind with Psalm 91, which promises God’s salvation;” You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. But his prayers failed and he was bitten dead by a bee.

The tragedy of this isolated island is orchestrated by a plot to kill Justice Wargrave. In the relentless passage of time, it is Bergsonian that the time of consciousness and the time of the world do not always coincide, but Emily’s decisions in the inner world of faith distort the outer world. He focused on the sins of the unpunished. Pure and inner awareness does not necessarily mean pure and enduring Christian love, light and goodness: Philosophical purity refers to universality and does not limit itself to ethics.

Killing by sanction is the unwritten law of that which emerges when philosophy and theology are trapped and concealed by ethics. Our sins are condemned by our faith and remitted by God. However, that is not always the case in the society in which we were born. The judge looked at this and came up with this plan. The best part of the story, the apparent killing puppet, was based on a poem from Mother Goose.This poem is also old and was originally written by the poet Mother Goose, and is translated as “Indian doll” or “soldier doll”. This poem is also originally symbolized black people, but was later changed to Indians.

Imitate murder is performed with dolls symbolizing the occupation and persecution. Matter is memory, the dualism of mind and matter is present this murder story. The time on the island is not owned by anyone, the protagonists themselves do not exist, and they are manipulated by a fictional being, U. N. Owen who have invited ten people. Formlessness controls the destiny of this island. Matter, space and memory, the relationship between them, passes unnoticed as a philosophy by most people. Nevertheless, like dolls, they are aware as soon as the material becomes suggestive, and they are in danger of being themselves. They find significance in the poems and dolls of Mother Goose, and live in the plans of the true criminals. Elusive sounds live fluidly as aural sensations, a gramophone playing a mysterious voice that exposes the wrongs of each person. We find ourselves even frightened of the interplay of matter and spirit, a philosophy that makes us dull and sleepy.

Judge Wargrave must have been pleased with the sight. Like table manners, as if it were a rule that passes for manners, he enjoys playing the killing dinnder.【killing game】 With the sound of a gunshot, the killer Wargrave, made it look like he was dead. Rising from it, his Ghost Play accelerates further. Wargrave’s self-absorption is evident in the way he likens himself to the biblical Cain and Abel.

Cain committed the first murder in the Bible and lied about it, but God would not let Cain take his revenge. Therefore, the Judge is a clown with an aesthetic illusion of justice. Because God’s wish is that there should be no Mob Justice. However, Mob Justice and aesthetics are two sides of the same coin. The Thaumatropes, whose cage and bird are painted apart, looks like a bird in a cage.If you turn the picture, you can see the bird in the cage, as if they co-exist and are involved with one another. Literature was attracted to that. Other arts, including painting and music, do not deal with ” Mob Justice” Painting is confined to religious or “Public punishment” when it comes to judgement.

Words have various roles, from God’s word to poetry, proverbs, fiction and journalism. Painting and music are not taken seriously by everyone, while language is mastered by everyone, and everyone takes it seriously, sometimes speaking of love, sometimes speaking of lies. Words means simply disappear and disappear over time. For example, the phrase “I love you” also fades away, because words require perception, memory and experience. Love cannot live by words alone. Love is accompanied by feelings and actions. In addition, the word “love” is often associated with many human beings. Even before an incomprehensible love, we can recognize the direction. When love works, it knows that it is love by its deeds.:On the other hand, private killings and retributions do not allow us to easily understand feelings of cause and effect.  The Indian poem of Mother Goose is a cruel poem, and the last Indian hangs himself. These ten people are enough to understand the meaning of the Indian poem. Their lives are threatened so that the pure continuity of consciousness and time ceases to be a theory, and they end up in the past ≒ memory without redemption.

Souls by Mob Justice

Like the ten invited guests, we do not see memory, time and space as separate objects.

According to Plato’s three ideas, (1) is the true, (2) beauty, (3) interest towards the good. Sternberg refers to this aesthetic interest in beauty. In the Bible we find such a composition in the Old Testament story of Hagar. Abraham’s wife Sarah could not have children, so she gave birth to a slave, Hagar. She gave the child the name Ishmael. Hagar’s situation is similar to that of Emily Brent, but in the end, Hagar is saved by God.

In the biblical world, “Thou shalt not kill” (Exodus 20.13) is based on faith, on the absolute God. In the biblical world, “Thou shalt not kill” (Exodus 20.13) is based on faith, on the absolute God. But does literature write about evil, breaking its promises with mischief? “Literature and Evil”, Georges Bataille made us believe that the best of literature is to search for evil in the veins of the world. Writers sometimes sort philosophically if it is necessary to write only imagination or experience.Then imagination is no longer enough, and they seek to make everyday life more than a dramatic statement. So this story is quiet. In And Then There Were None, the characters, with the exception of the murderer, can only see the surface of humanity. There is no investigator in the movie, and evil is not the key to unlocking good. If there is any confirmation of God’s existence, it is when the “fishing boat” accidentally picks up the confession that the judge put in a bottle and was never meant to be picked up. Christianity has a profound connection with fishermen. Peter was a fisherman, and Jesus told him that he would be a fisherman who would catch men. Within the framework of a mystery novel, however, this point of view would be like wash for gold. (Gold dust) But wouldn’t the real world be insipid without such a ‘point of view’ and ‘consciousness’? The paintings are useless when they burn, as the paintings of Carel Fabritius are displayed as survivors of an explosion. How does literature affect people? Literature is of the nature that what words and concepts represent and people’s feelings do not have a fixed Buddhist substance. Therefore “And Then There Were None” shows the cruelty of the writing world.

 Painting can be explained in words, but it must exist as a picture. Literature can be placed beside the Bible, but it fails to achieve a visible space and form. In the past, when I painted, they congratulated me on my ability to draw and my sense of color. I was looking for myself in painting, with ideas and concepts. This is probably when my philosophical reflections became more impulsive. What cannot be put into words seeks no form, and then tries to rely on something to paint. It was a passion that emerged in my youth, but I wanted something more mature. I couldn’t stand the self-image that bounced back from my consciousness and my technique. It was a passion I had when I was young, but I wanted something more mature.

I couldn’t stand the picture of myself bouncing off my consciousness and technique.: Like Van Gogh with his sunflowers and his obsession with color, I could not do it, I only saw thoughts of love and existence.

In the 21st century, philosophy and psychology are moving away from the soul. That is because it requires an ethical, moral, or religious viewpoint to describe them. But literature is still allowed to write the soul. Nietzsche described vengeful feelings as Ressentiment. By morality, the weak demonize the strong. This inversion of values is weakened in Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None”. Murderers took pleasure in the guise of revenge by proxy. They were not killed with such vengeance or moral slavery.  It all comes down to poems and puppets by ten Indians, killed and gone. The artist’s need for approval is said to be greater in the story, which explains this killer. His hidden desires and the realization of his pleasures took place on an isolated island.  If he had wanted social honor, he would not have committed such a crime. He threw away his confession in a bottle, not knowing whether it would be picked up or not, which is another way of checking the soul. It is a “Mob Justice”. There is an impulse that can only be asserted in this way. In literature, “Mob Justice” is not an actual sanction. He throws his confession into a bottle, not knowing if we’ll pick it up or not. The only way to be sure of one’s soul is to leave it to chance at last. This is the end of the “Mob Justice”

 I did not select to paint flowers, my quest was collected as a bird’s nest and tried to form and It was a beautiful feeling, both as phenomenology and as poetical feeling. The plants and trees collected by the habits and coincidences of the birds are also the Word of God, but some herbs do not bear the image of God. It is the root rot, the weak grass, the dying grass,

 I would write such an “evil” in the next piece.

Literature and Mob Justice Overview

It took me six years to work on this theme. Writing about cruelty, like journalism, is not about separating oneself from others. Sometimes you have to reveal your own malice.

I dealt with Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None” and Bergson’s philosophy. An unfamiliar subject, matter and spirit, is criticized as abstract when read as philosophy, but in the face of a murderous game everyone understands its meaning.

Understood the meaning. Indian dolls represent their lives and die according to an unintelligible Mother Goose poem.

Philosophical consciousness is not a need to be confined to morality or ethics. It means that there is no necessity for religious goodness, and I have summarized these ideas in this introduction. I have tried to make my unpublished novel the main topic of this

Article. Mob Justice is the desire for recognition of the oppressed and erased soul. I do not consider myself a victim of being driven in this way. I will be back.

Related articles

Next Work Ⅰ (English)

Nagi Tukika

The doctor said to me, “Gradually it will become possible to see. The light moved without being able to decide where to stay, and tried to create space, but the shapes were dreaming too much in my heart, and I was afraid of waking up. Outside is a nightmare, or is it possible to wake up?

 The emotional conflict inside of the shadows and the light seemed to overwhelm me.

Outline

I am left with the memory that I was blind. When I say, ” touching the world,” it’ s not a metaphor. It is a recurring memory of the day I was blind and could see for the first time. And yet, the emotion of “that day” when I could see has faded, and this memory is like a stranger.

I wonder if I’ve come back to life or am I a stranger.

On a summer’s day the painter contemplated death, and on a winter’s day the writer found the body of a musician. Fleeing footprints were burst shot by the photographer.

By the way, where you were “that day”?

From the Author.

As for my own experience, there was a six-year period when I couldn’t write since my last publication (2016). Then I structured the novel in seven chapters based on the seven days of Creation in Genesis.

Publication schedule: Winter 2022 – Spring 2023

Language: Japanese and English

English version may be requested from a translator.

I adapted this photograph to show the protagonist, who experienced a past of blindness, repeating his/her memories. “The emotional conflict inside of the shadows and the light seemed to overwhelm me“

Photo by

Corps sans Orgues et Amour (English)

Deleuze et Guattari
She had a pregnant pause that only literature could confess.

Georges Bataille, Literature and Evil




Sory now rewriting(2022年12月30)

When the Catholic Mass begins, there is always time to reflect on one’s ‘evil’. How many of us really have a clear view of our own heart while we look back there? The human mind is multi-layered and polysemous. It is not an easy thing to do. The Catholic Church is not meant to be a ‘building’. The agape Jesus is the heart and the believer is the ‘body’. That is why the ‘body’ needs to ask its heart before Mass. That mind is Jesus. It ‘thinks’ by repeating differences in self-awareness and cognition. Even if the prayer is the same every day, that time never comes back. Like ‘introspection’, which was the beginning of psychology, it is a religious kneeling and return to the primitive.

In 2018 I came back from the brink of death; in 2019 Adam the cat came into our home. His presence was a ray of light that came into my life. To touch the blue eyes that pooled light, the mystery of life, was a step away from death for me. The beginning of life from now on gave me a budding. Since when did the world plan for this child to be born, I had no way of knowing the plan for this little soul to be born. In the past I could not wait for happiness to come this way. Like Osamu Dazai’s schoolgirl, ‘I waited and waited for happiness, and finally, unable to hold back, I ran out of the house’, reflecting the nature of people who could not wait for the generation of time. (According to Deleuze, the daily repetition is the repetition of difference, and the failure to wait for the generative change of new things to come.)

 Whereas Bergson said that time is connected, Hume said that time is disconnected.

The being I am has no substance. I am nothing but a ‘theatre’ in which perceptions appear and disappear, a ‘bundle of perceptions'”.

Deleuze incorporates both Bergson and Hume. For me, ‘expectation’ is Bergsonian and judgement is Humean. For Christians in particular, everything is a deus ex machina, a cycle of returning to the Bergsonian. Deleuze is again collating the time frames that Hume worked on. In the first time, Deleuze is ‘present’ and the time of sensibility, based on Augustine’s theory of time. In the second time, it is the time of memory, the past and Bergsonian. The third time is also known as Thanatos (desire for death) and is future, Nietzschean. This implies an infinite ‘straight line’. Deleuze was also drawing on Bergson in Augustine with regard to the first time. What becomes important in this is ‘repetition and difference’, but ‘repetition is Hume’s famous assertion that nothing changes in the thing that repeats itself, but something changes in the contemplation of repetition, and the reading of a story (literature) is at the heart of this.

Consider the stages of a novel before it is considered a reading. First there is the author’s time-line, the completed work, which is read, and then it is read by a third person who repeats it. The quality of the person’s voice and performance, which may not completely match that of the author, nor may they be able to play the part of the story. Readings have a different appeal from voice acting. The ‘signifier’ that Deleuze did not disregard may also be the sentence. Writing is a series of sensations, but it is also a symbol. A voice actor acting does not try to make a text remain a text. It means that the images and characters try to come alive. Sometimes, it may even smack of life lessons. A reading, by contrast, is different. Just as Jean Renoir’s ‘acting instruction’ suppresses emotions and bars and inspires the actor, a reading is not about becoming a character or setting the scene for a work. It gives the reader imagination from a unique perspective while maintaining both the chain of images and symbols of the text. It is not the author’s voice, nor the voice of the characters, but the symbols they represent that speak.

So what if it is not read out loud by a human voice, but by a machine? I reflected back on Deleuze and Guattari’s concept of the ‘body without organs’. Today’s Vocaloids have become so precise that they are indistinguishable from the human voice, but they lack the vital breathing.

An organless body is not inorganic. Even if it is stripped down to symbols, it still must not forget to breathe. This is also what philosophy itself tries to be a living discipline. It is a language, but it must not be inorganic. Just as Deleuze and Guattari wrote about writing together, with concepts moving autonomously in a space between them that was neither, so author and reader are bound together without seemingly having the same roots. They are the creation of two beings that have no boundaries and waver.

Narratives continue to breathe invisibly behind the symbols. I think that what makes this world possible is a symbol that is a symbol, but a breathing symbol at the same time.

Descartes’ ‘I think, therefore I am’ also begins to exist by being aware that one’s heart is beating, but this is not always the case with art. In the real world, we do not check to see if the hearts of the people we pass by are beating, but art was meaningless unless it made us want to see the other person’s heart beating.First, the existence of a work of art is a first time, living a habit, while having a second time.Second, the existence of a work of art is a second time, living a habit, while having a first time. After all, you cannot love yourself in the moment. Habits and achievements, the accumulation of the past, leave behind only a seemingly ‘present’ production. The date of publication, the date of publication, is shown, but if you delve into the history of the symbols of those years, you will find that people will perceive the time line in a more complex way. And a work of art lives a third time in the end. It passes through death and becomes a linear time entity. Why is it a loss when a masterpiece is damaged? It starts with the fact that the artist’s soul is only seen in the body after death. To place the value of a human being solely on his or her body and while he or she is alive is not ultimately valuing the person.

People have forgotten the importance of posthumous paintings because of the high price paid for them. As the saying goes, “Man shall not live by bread alone.”
As the saying goes, a person’s value includes what is beyond his or her body. I do not value only my body and soul. I believe that everything around me represents my existence.

It is obvious that what constitutes me need not be my organ, but it is constituted by the other, and that is the only explanation for ‘otherness’ and ‘polysemy’. By the other I exist, it is not so. For the body without organs is ‘unidimensionality’. René Chérère, who further delved into Deleuze’s term nomadism, took the selfhood itself, in which I am me, as a new image and said that through the constant hospitality of the Other, I deviate from my fixed self-identity and generate myself into the Other. It is not only the assertion of self-territory and belonging, but also the hospitality of the Other, which is also ‘love’.

Love, to return to the story of Jesus’ apostles, was rich in diversity. God’s love would be for anyone at random if the only purpose was conversion. This is because if conversion is the only purpose, it is enough to force them by force. That is unity without the love of God. Jesus did not force his apostles’ hearts by violence or brainwashing. In testimony to this, Judas betrayed Jesus, and Peter said he did not know Jesus. If Jesus was brainwashing, none of that would have happened. And anyone who understands modern religion knows that liking Paul does not separate him from Jesus.

They are ‘unities’ connected by love (agape).

Future philosophy will go further, confronting religion, but if we trace back to the source, we find that they are like one with each other, and that these two beings are also ‘bodies without organs’. Confining each part to a certain role, it has meant mutual decline. When religion dominated, it was important to get out of it. However, the same invisible precepts have been created for the non-religious as well. With this trapped perception, the perception of love is constantly distorted. The same applies to philosophy. A philosopher who has never read the Bible is, after all, accompanied by Deleuze’s ‘stupidity’. The possibility of diverse combinations must seek new conjunctions.

Deleuze and Guattari may also have embodied the ‘body without organs’. The two contrasting figures became rhizomes (eternally identical rhizomes) between conjunction and separation, and succeeded in becoming the kind of ‘being’ that I can hold in my hands today. Philosophy is not a mere inorganic treatise. It gives pleasure to reason and intellect from generation to generation. It must be the same with the love of God.

 In 2018, that line, similar to Dazai’s “because I can no longer write”, made me experience a false third time. In the midst of all this, at the end of 2020, I met someone with a beautiful voice. It was so beautiful that I wanted her to read something for me to try. So I suggested that she read Dazai Osamu, from his critique of Dazai, which she had been working on before the accident in 2018. The famous line, ‘Mine has been a life of much shame’ – that’s where we began.

There was no visual information in the recorded reading. However, his voice seemed to lend itself to recitation. For me, at least, more than hearing and little linguistic information, synaesthesia was about to be created. It brings with it colours, music and even scents. His voice was not just a trendy voice, there was subtlety in his voice and an impermanence deep within the gentle personality that was apparent. His voice generated an imagery of different emotions in me. The world of words was not simply visible, and the words of the great writers of the past could not replace his recitation. He just fascinated me with the invisible everyday life. Just as the scenery I always see looks different, just by putting his voice to beautiful music, the music becomes my own personal ‘sound’ and memory. Music and literature, which were beautiful when listened to alone, became my own personal ‘sound’ and memory. The addition of others, the generation of which was the ideal formation of the world.

 He has always chosen to read only words that have some love and light in them. The destination of the literary world is not to change people. It is to empower people’s thinking. Words can empower people in all kinds of ways. Words and silence, in silence I gaze into the abyss. His and my abysses are never connected. We have different ‘roots’. Yet we become unities.

Recently, I was asked to read ‘God bless you’. It is well known that Jesus’ choice of apostles was not outstanding, except for John, but it seems that he didn’t need even more people who could perfectly embody God’s teachings. Why was this the case with Jesus? It was because he always wanted ‘hospitality’. That is why the soul must ‘confess’ at the beginning of Mass. Just as Jesus is connected to those who pray, even though they are apart. May you be able to understand the Bible reading and the role one day, even if you don’t understand the meaning, even in the ‘bar reading’. Always remember that the Bible is a way of life.

‘God bless you’ is a phrase I like very much. I told a friend of mine who died of an absurdity that God had blessed him. So much so that I have chosen this word carefully and have never taken it lightly. I let him read a lot of things to me because I sincerely wanted to bless him. I hope that God’s love will be extended to him and that he will realise it. How we, with different roots, are generated, was in a dark dream. It loves without any lasting plan, even on days when I don’t want to think about anything, even in the darkness when I am tired and can’t think of anything.

God bless you.

We are feeble but strong.
We have the poorest talent.
Just until the day we can be in the past tense.
God bless you.

Das Nachtpfauenauge(English)

I was tormented not so much because I had stolen, but because I had damaged a beautiful moth. ”So that's who you are” Hermann Hesse "Schmetterlinge"(Das Nachtpfauenauge)

 A specimen of a living thing, as a butterfly, is not a living entity, but remains essential. Specimens are available both as research material and as objects of taste. For Heinrich, it was a favorite hobby. For Heinrich, it was a favorite hobby. The story is so famous that it appears in Japanese textbooks, in a chapter of Hermann Hesse’s short story “Das Nachtpfauenauge” (Schmetterlinge) (1911). The guest in the first person “I” is Heinrich Mohr, and most of the story is about the man’s memories. The book consists of nine pieces of prose on the subject of butterflies and moths by Hermann Hesse, eleven poems and one post-scriptum by writer Volker Micheles.

Heinrich started collecting butterflies and was captivated by them when he was ten years old in his second year of collection. The mere sight of a butterfly was enough to send him into a state of ecstasy and he had no choice but to keep his collection in an old cardboard box. However, his friends put them in nice display cases for specimens, and he gradually ceased to show them to his friends and began to show them only to his sister.

He succeeds in catching the rare ‘Apatura metis’. He spreads the wings and completes the specimen in a ball box. He wants to show it to the neighboring boy, his is Emile. The boy was the son of a school teacher and lived in the neighbourhood. Although its specimens were few themselves, unlike Heinrich, the specimens of Emil were magnificent. And he had a high level of expertise in the production and restoration of specimens. Heinrich was jealous of him, but he was an admirer. Heinrich showed Emil the Apatura Metis and, in the beginning, praised them. However, he noted various shoddy management practices. Then he stopped showing them to Emil. Two years later, Emil was hearsay that he had picked up “Das Nachtpfauenauge”.

Heinrich learned through hearsay that he had collected “Das Nachtpfauenauge. It was the moth that Heinrich had been pining for. He went to the house next door and knocked, but there was no answer from Emil.  He went into the room without permission to see the moth, and saw. Das Nachtpfauenauge”  This moth was so beautiful that he forgot about it and stole it. He soon came to his senses and returned the moth to his room, but it had lost its form.

When Heinrich went back to Emile’s, he found Emile telling him someone had broken his Das Nachtpfauenauge. Wishing to have attempted to restore “Das Nachtpfauenauge” to the best of its ability, but in vain. Heinrich apologized, but Emil, did not forgive him or get angry,

He said ”So that’s who you are” and He despises.

Emil said the botched management of Heinrich’s butterflies seemed like the essence of who he was.

When Heinrich returned home, his mother was kind to him, but he crushed the butterfly and moth specimens he had collected with his fingers.

The specimens of butterflies and moths existed as essences, while they had a form, but in broken them, the essence and the phenomenon became confluents. A specimen is only significant when there is a form. Emile’s argument was essential. A Specimen of butterfly preserved only by feelings and passions was unworthy of existence. ” Must be beautiful,” Heinrich understands the meaning of the word. Because butterflies and moths are dead twice. The first death for the specimen, the second death for Heinrich’s ego, He couldn’t even keep the first death alive, which would have eroded his self-worth as a collector.

When an association of ideas takes up residence in the psyche in the form of a parasite, it becomes detached and isolated in the psyche when it grows up. Heinrich never collected any more butterflies.

If he hadn’t spoken to Emile before he broke Emile’s specimens and before he entered the house without permission? the boy’s heart would have been purely in collecting butterflies.

It is impossible to come back to this passion. He won’t be able to go back.

The passion for butterflies and moths was one of the things which made Heinrich’s personality so beloved. But the personality of the beloved child always became sinful when Emil’s despised came to mind.

Where’s the broken butterflies now?

When reminded of that, he could not avoid the ugliness of his past. But it is something that is not inherently to be feared. That is how boys accumulate to become adults.

Leaving behind the touch of scales, the phenomenon beat wings and became Heinrich’s metaphysical form.

That’s just like a specimen.

ーーーーーーーーー

Philosophy “Essence” and “Phenomena”

Die Liebende‐Rainer Maria Rilke(English)

The image of a man, a thought that I, the other, cannot imagine from its trivial aspect,I think of words that I record time and thought. If I could understand every casual look, the light that comes through the window, the changing emotions, I would feel happy. So I realize what I think is beautiful and what it means to be born. I love everything I love. I hate it, but I love it.

Chris Kyogetu

______________

Rilke’s “My darling”, Das ist mein Fenster, “This is my window”, starts with the inevitable awakening of her inner self and a look at the unconscious exterior. This is Eben bin ich so sanft erwacht… “I just woke up”, a gentle, relaxing moment, like a sprinkling of white powder.

“In the day-to-day life of a person like the window, “Bis wohin reicht mein Leben” (Where will my life reach?), and the eternity of the night and the universe, and the dream.

Ich könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum; (I feel that everything around me is still me), and thus loses the frontier between the interior and the exterior. Is both a bond and an obstacle to the outer world in this poem? She’s falling for him. and across the side world whereas his feelings and awareness of him as “objectivity from outside the window” But this is her reflection. Her existence is “inside” the window. Whether expectant or anxious, the waking ‘now’ is simply her being inside the open window.

I don’t know the details of the “I” relationship with that other person, but the fact that the other person is in my heart means that my beloved is not a quiet presence standing in the depths of my consciousness. My analysis of the poem is that it is a window on the outside world, without any intervention or controller (e.g. God) between ‘me’ and the ‘loved one’.

The original reality is the margin in which the poem ends. The world of empty margins, where nothing is written, exists for the poet independent of his own spirit, and when the poet enters into the spirit of a person, It ​means it changes the reader’s vison. If the window becomes special as of this day, it is a success.

It is beautiful to see the interior growth and the interior finesse.

I believe that a beautiful poem is beautiful, even in its borders. 

__________________________________________

The Lover

That is my window. A moment ago

I woke up so softly.

I thought I would float.

To where does my life extend,

and where does the night begin?

I could think that everything

were still me all around;

translucent as a crystal’s

depths, darkened, dumb.

I could also contain the stars

inside me still; so large

does my heart appear to me; so gladly

it released him away again

whom I began perhaps to love,

perhaps began to hold.

Strange, as something never-described

my fate looks at me.

For what am I laid under this

unendingness,

fragrant as a meadow,

moved here and there,

calling out at the same time and afraid

that someone will hear the call,

and determined to find my downfall

in another.

R. M. Rilke

Die Liebende ( Rainer Maria Rilke ) 訳・Chris

Das ist mein Fenster. Ebenbin ich so sanft erwacht.

Ich dachte, ich würde schweben.

Bis wohin reicht mein Leben,und wo beginnt die Nacht?

Ich könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum;

durchsichtig wie eines Kristalles Tiefe, verdunkelt, stumm.

Ich könnte auch noch die Sterne fassen in mir, so groß

scheint mir mein Herz; so gerne ließ es ihn wieder los

den ich vielleicht zu lieben,vielleicht zu halten begann.

Fremd, wie niebeschrieben sieht mich mein Schicksal an.

Was bin ich unter diese Unendlichkeit gelegt,

duftend wie eine Wiese, hin und her bewegt,

rufend zugleich und bange, daß einer den Ruf vernimmt,

und zum Untergange in einem Andern bestimmt.

full version (Japanese)

Die Liebende‐Rainer Maria Rilke

凡庸で一見、外観から想像できない思惑を、時間と思考を刻むように言葉で浮かべながら、何気ない眼差しが、窓を差し込む光が、移ろう感動が、全て意味を持つことが出来るのなら、私は幸せだと思う。そうやって、私は美しいと思うものも、そして生まれてきた意味も実感していた。私は全てを愛している。憎みながらも、愛している。

ChrisKyogetu「意識について」

_______________________

リルケの「愛する人」、Das ist mein Fenster「これは私の窓」という始まりは、自分の内部の目覚めと共に、意識出来ない外部への視線が必然となる。それはEben bin ich so sanft erwacht.「たった今、目覚めたばかり」と、白粉が舞うような、甘くてゆったりとした時間を感じさせます。「窓」のような人間の生活に関わっている日常を通して「Bis wohin reicht mein Leben」私の人生は何処へと届くのかと、到達しえない眼路の限界と、その限界を補うための夢想、「und wo beginnt die Nacht?」そして夜は何処から始まるのだろうと、更に夜と宇宙の無限、そして夢と誘います。

「私」はIch könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum;(私の周りぐるりと全てが未だ私のような気がする) と、それによって内と外との境界線を失います。

私の窓、「 eben、たった今」この窓とは、この詩の中では外の世界と繋げる存在でもあり、隔たりにもなっている。恋する彼女は外の世界を通して彼への想いや気づきを「窓の外という客観性」として具象化します。けれどもこれは彼女の内省だった。

 彼女の存在は窓の「内」にあります。期待を抱こうが、不安を抱こうが目覚めた「今」とは、ただ自分が開かれた窓の内側にいることです。

―Eindruck―

「私」と、こ の相手との関係の詳細は分かりませんが、想う相手が心の中に居るということは、愛する人とは、自分の意識の下で自分の認識している範囲の記憶を形成するが、

佇立している静かな存在では無い。この詩は 「私」と、「想い人」二人の間に何らか しらの干渉者、管理者(例えば神)を置かずに、外の世界を窓だけで表現しているというのが私の分析です。

本来の現実とはこの詩が終わった余白へと向かうことでしょう。何も書かれていない余白世界、それは詩にとっては自分の心とは関係無く存在していて、詩人が人の心の中に入るということは、読者の視界に変化を与えるということです。その日から窓が特別な存在になれば、成功なのです。内面が育つ、内面が繊細になった視界は美しい。

 美しい詩とは余白まで美しいものだと私は思います。 

2015年の推敲版

________________________________________________________________________________

リルケ:「愛する人」Die Liebende ( Rainer Maria Rilke )

これは私の窓、たった今、おもむろに目覚めたばかり。

私は宙に浮いているようだが、私の人生は何処へ向かい、

夜は何処から始まるのだろうか。

私を取り囲む全てが私のままだと思えた。

それは結晶のように深く、透明で、暗くて、無言で、

私はまだ私の中の星をつかめそうだった。私の心は広くなり、

私の心は、彼を再び手放せそうだった。

私が愛し始めたかもしれない、抱きしめたいと思ったかもしれない人だから。

私の運命は、説明のつかない、謎めいた眼差しで私を見ている。

この途切れなく続く私とは何なのだろう。

草原のように香り高く、行き交いながらゆらめいている。呼び声を聞くと恐れてしまうことは、誰かにとっては、別の場所で別れを意味することだから。

(朗読しやすいように翻訳しました)

(原文)

Die Liebende ( Rainer Maria Rilke ) 訳・Chris

Das ist mein Fenster. Ebenbin ich so sanft erwacht.

Ich dachte, ich würde schweben.

Bis wohin reicht mein Leben,und wo beginnt die Nacht?

Ich könnte meinen, alleswäre noch Ich ringsum;

durchsichtig wie eines Kristalles Tiefe, verdunkelt, stumm.

Ich könnte auch noch die Sterne fassen in mir, so groß

scheint mir mein Herz; so gerne ließ es ihn wieder los

den ich vielleicht zu lieben,vielleicht zu halten begann.

Fremd, wie niebeschrieben sieht mich mein Schicksal an.

Was bin ich unter diese Unendlichkeit gelegt,

duftend wie eine Wiese, hin und her bewegt,

rufend zugleich und bange, daß einer den Ruf vernimmt,

und zum Untergange in einem Andern bestimmt.

フルバージョンはこちら

Hymnen an die Nacht (Novalis)

感覚を持った、心ある生きる者が、身の周りに広がる空間のすべての奇跡的な現象を目の前にして、喜び溢れた光、つまりその色彩、波打つ姿、広がりゆく、その目覚めたような日々を愛さずにいられるのだろうか。

生命の内なる魂のように。

ノヴァーリス 夜の讃歌

(朗読の関係で翻訳は切りました。

朗読しやすいように翻訳しました)

Recently I have been making a video of readings.

Original text

Welcher Lebendige, Sinnbegabte, liebt nicht vor allen Wundererscheinungen des verbreiteten Raums um ihn, das allerfreuliche Licht – mit seinen Farben, seinen Stralen und Wogen; seiner milden Allgegenwart, als weckender Tag.

Wie des Lebens innerste Seele athmet es der rastlosen Gestirne Riesenwelt, und schwimmt tanzend in seiner blauen Flut – athmet es der funkelnde, ewigruhende Stein, die sinnige, saugende Pflanze, und das wilde, brennende, vielgestaltete Thier – vor allen aber der herrliche Fremdling mit den sinnvollen Augen, dem schwebenden Gange, und den zartgeschlossenen, tonreichen Lippen.

朗読:Kouhei Yoshimura

動画編集:Chris Kyogetu

翻訳:ChrisKyogetu

#ChrisKyogetu

#朗読

#ショート動画

#ノヴァーリス

#ドイツ文学

#ドイツ観念論

#novalis

Anniversary of one’s passing English.ver

ChrisKyogetu Acrylic painting(2004)incomplete
Do not grieve, do not mourn, Ananda. We have together taught. I have taught that all that is beloved and dear is a being that is parted and separated. How can we say, "O, don't tear it down," when it is born, exists, is formed, and is broken? It cannot be so. Thou hast done a good deed, O Ananda. You have done a fine deed. You will be pure in no time.

Today, the 17th of August, is the anniversary of the death of a friend. Sometimes I wonder if the soul of a friend misses this world, if he misses the world that we talked about as being boring together.

I sometimes talk to Buddhists, including him. “Do not grieve, do not mourn, Ananda. We have together taught”

We have preached this together.”

At that time, I tell them that I like the words of the Buddha.  Ananda was suffering from separation from love and Buddha was enlightened. This contrast is typical of Buddhism.

He was sitting alone with his macbook in his favorite cafe.

He didn’t tell me anything about his physical weakness.

He didn’t tell me anything about his health.

After his death, the songs he wrote were not accessible by password.

I joined Mixcloud for his songs, but his songs had disappeared.

I still get Mixcloud notifications that I haven’t unsubscribed from.

I get Facebook birthday notifications and his age keeps increasing.

I had been posting on his timeline every year on his birthday.

I had to recreate the old account myself and I couldn’t find him.

When I was told that he had passed away, I tried to find traces of him as if in a panic, and I felt impatient that I couldn’t do it while he was still alive. There was not much to report this year.

In the years since he died, there has been nothing to report.

 And even now I have nothing to tell him.

Because it was not the future he wanted.

We talked about the future of the world, of Japan, and I was pessimistic and he was hopeful.

The world was not what he had said it would be.

I wondered if his soul would still love this world.

I thought so.

 In faith, it is the dead who know the facts about the gods and Buddhas with whom they have talked.

In my letter to him I wrote “In a letter to him I wrote: “You have gone to the answer

More than the words of our prayers, more than the reach of our hearts and hands, the dead are always beyond the imagination of the living.

The dead are always beyond the imagination of the living. I remember him laughing and saying.

“I want a chance.”

I never thought that a few words could leave such a deep impression on me.

The everyday, always ordinary, can become a lifetime of scars and sayings in relation to others.

The cancer that had consumed him as a young man took him away as speedily as it could.

We still have a chance.

Om det oändliga(English.ver)

" life does not seem to be so sure and prosperous.

Arimasa Mori (By the Streams of Babylon)

In a story, there is a protagonist who reveals what seems to be true feelings. This is what makes a story simple to understand, and is often the case in Manga. But when it comes to art, to the pursuit of an idea, it is possible to write about people and leave the audience behind. If there is a time limit to the number of pages in a work, or to the duration of a film, then a life is artificially speeded up within that limit. Perhaps it is Roy Andersson’s “Om det oändliga” that falls short. There is no narrative technique here. It seems to me that human life is a series of inorganic things, and that there is an existence in motion that others cannot see. It is not a horror, it is a comical story.

For me, the scene in which a human imitation of Jesus walks down Golgotha Hill was comical. The modern costumes, cut down to the expense of a modern opera, the farce of a narcissistic director by his side, were truly an expression of the irony of the modern artist. Or perhaps this is a fashion show for a high brand that makes you think meaningfully. It was irony at its best in this day and age, when critics will praise anything to get a sale, even a bad one, because they want a job. The dream is of a pastor who has lost his faith.

And the pastor, who drinks a glass of wine before the service, was very funny.

People’ expectations of a story begin with their perception of it in their conscious world. It requires imagination to find commonalities and differences between one’s own conscious world and the conscious world of the work, and to fill them. Next, we move on to our own ideals. It is at this point that the work is sometimes evaluated as deviating from its essence. Some people are disciplined enough to read the intentions of the work, while others judge it on the basis of whether it conforms to their own desires.

Descartes found consciousness and innate ideas, but he could not find the real mind.

Science has returned to Descartes again and again, but the real mind is still unclear, even in neuroscience. For anyone who has been able to sort out consciousness from Husserl’s establishment of intersubjectivity to Heidegger’s immanence,

If you are able to organize your consciousness from Husserl’s inter-subjectivity to Heidegger’s immanence, you may find that this film is close to what Heidegger calls “Das Man”.

There is no wise man in this world who lives in his true nature. The film portrays a man who is always buried in a world of cloudy skies and non-essentials. We expect the existence of a person who has stepped out of the world like a person who lives his true nature. One of them is the presence of a role model in the character’s ” truthfulness “.

One of them is the presence of a model student.

I think that the truthfulness is more difficult to find than love. True feelings and love are related to each other, but But they work in different ways.

For example, I have a cat, Adam, who sometimes wakes me up suddenly in the morning. I am sleepy and have a hard time, but I don’t mean to, I don’t feel obliged to, and I always get up, even if I am a little late.

I never complain, I feel that I feel that I really love him.

Love is thus unplanned. If the camera had followed the description of Adam’s embrace and the treatment of him, we would have seen love there.  But if the film stops only at my drowsy inability to wake up quickly, my true feelings seem to be exhausted. My true feelings are unreliable and uninteresting to judge in a short time.

“Om det oändliga” lacks that kind of description that we expect.

People probably assume that there is something “truthfulness” in the work, but the truthfulness is cut out.

However, they can see their own expectations in it. If we wanted to see an unbelieving pastor turn. It would be I can forgive him for drinking wine twice before the service.

That’s how much I value the Holy Family, and how little I know about my own consciousness.

It’s the opposite of what the PR people want, but it’s a place where what you want has been cut out. However, I thought it was a kaleidoscope in which I could see what I wanted in what was cut out.

I think I will continue to delve into the real heart, good and evil, and love.

A lighter version of this is on twitter, but the interpretation is subject to change.

I see it as a new kind of realism. It might be an irony for people who, in more recent years, have lost sight of the authority of the individual voice, and who are no longer able to do more than make a fuss on social media about just that. It is now only celebrities and cartoons that pretend to be conscience or good. But is it possible to enjoy a fictional world that is not so different from the real one? This world exists like a painting, a fictional world itself.

And it is realistic. People don’t think about the rest of the story that was not shown. We look at the outside world with a narrow perception, unaware that it represents so much of who we are. We don’t realism that we are living in a world that has forgotten to enrich the inner world. I don’t understand the meaning of this film because I’m not aware of it.

my lovely Adam. My little one

SoarⅠ (English.ver)

Catholicism had yet to be philosophically organized.
Simone weil

There are many genres of fiction today, One of the things I love about literature is that it makes use of what is really only a record. A simple lost love can be embellished by a single word, a forgotten dead can have a meaning. The loneliness that people tell us to forget, the happiness that seems so ordinary, all depend on our own sensibility, and we can decide whether our life is just a record with oblivion or a shining life.

It is left to the sensibility of the writer to verbalize and leave behind the succession of moments that disappear from the world that no one picks up. Perhaps those who have such a point of view are those who are terrified of the moment disappearing as it is. Some people are happier to forget, others to talk about their misfortunes, so that their loneliness becomes cathartic through monologue.

For these people, the ability to speak their own language is important.

As for me, I create in the fictional world the heat that I did not live in the real world. There may be many emotions that I have killed for social reasons, but the emotions that I could not delete and the place where my faith lives is the fictional world. It is an introversion, but an extroversion that challenges the world. I’ve never been pessimistic about it.

Artists are left with only two choices: mere madness or genius. Van Gogh and Caravaggio are good examples. And Emilie Bronte, whose inner world was immeasurably darker than the one she wrote about in “Wuthering Heights”. A true artist does not look for “genius” to win the admiration of others. The poetic sentiment and the way of looking at things that he could not abandon is a God-given gift, and that is what he is in Christianity. The sensibility that almost killed me many times when I was urged to be social was never socially disadvantageous to me in life. What’s next is to find out if this really was a gift from God.

I want to know the answer to the question of whether it really was. Vladimir Nabokov’s “The Gift” is such a story, and it is also the story of Nabokov’s alter ego in exile in Russia.

One term I have coined is “Soar point”. It has taken me many years to get this theory down to an understanding.

I’m going to write about it in an irregular series.

 In the fictional world, there is no standard height of land. It is a world of language.

I try to write about light, temperature, color and space. The writing is plain, sober, rhyming, It is pregnant with poetic sentiment,

The words are like music, even the spaces between the letters are meaningful, and the protagonist walks through the world I have created, manipulating them.

The first work, ‘Pangaea Doll’, is based on a real patient in a laboratory in England. She was a patient who was strange, but who did not know where she had gone in the real world. The intersection of dream and reality was a psychological and scientifically possible delusion. But the name of the disease was something I made up. It was my first fictional world.

In the second work, “Iconograph”, there is no prominent fictional object, but the clock tower of a mechanical clock becomes imaginary. The phenomenology of the “bird’s nest” is based on the 13th chapter of Matthew’s Gospel.

Jesus was at sea, on a boat where no plants could grow. So he compared the Word of God to a seed. Some seeds can be sown in one place, but the birds will come and eat them. Other seeds fell on stony ground, where the soil was not deep enough and they sprouted quickly, but when the sun came up, they were burnt and withered away because they had no roots. It is difficult for the plant, the Word of God, to grow. ”Listen if you have ears.“The boy who hears these words and The protagonist, Kawamura Koune, goes on a journey of thought to hear God’s blessing. In Japan, Christianity is frowned upon if you don’t like it, and the characters cross over from longing for faith to oblivion, to disgust, and back to blessing. If this were the only explanation, people would mistakenly believe that there is no romance in this novel. That’s the trouble. There is love and death in this story too.

But the first reason I don’t say this is because I believe that waiting for the assessment of a mediocre love affair or death is just an emotional assessment. It is a sad fact that the real world is the same way. Death is equal, but there are special graves for special deaths, and classes for the deaths of the unconscious and the body. But the soul is equal, and the literary world can save even the most unlikely of beings. Literature must have the fervor to express what the masses have ceased to say. Love and death cannot be conveyed by begging only for sympathy, even if it is true. The soul may live without emotional sympathy if it is metaphorically told how the world works and how God works in it. The external world is rarely captured. But the enrichment of the inner world can make even an empty life seem like a footnote.

Many times I have been opposed to adding philosophy or religion to literature, but I have never given in. Perhaps it is because I know how cruel it is to assess the feelings of others. It follows that one’s own words do not grow, and that the same is true of God.

If the Word of God is a plant, it is the bird that spins it into a nest that grows beautifully. The bird’s nest is not only a bird’s nest, but also a part of the human world that it picks up and builds.

My fictional world is such a phenomenology. It represents the formation of orientation, the world created by orientation, while waiting for the analysis of existence. My literature is thus an amalgamation of spins, and there is no such thing as a complete lie. The heat that did not live in this world becomes a fiction.

Just as a bird’s nest still does not know exactly how to nest with precision, so I weave my experiences, my fantasies.  From the fictional “land” of the precise nest, uncertain of how it is completed, my story takes Soar. And the seeds dropped by these birds of fancy can grow or disappear. The reader’s understanding constructs a third world as a plant that grows. That image is both sad and hopeful.

The story must always take flight and Soar .

I have called it the ‘Soar point’.

Continued from (2) (Irregular)

Der Vorleser(English.Ver)

Bernhard Schlink

The story takes place in Germany, where Michael, then 15, becomes jaundiced on his way to school and is found and nursed by Hanna, 36, who is a year older than him. They eventually become romantics, but for some reason Hanna invites the protagonist to read some books to her. One of the books, Odysseus, is estimated to have taken place in the 1200s BC, during the time of the Trojan War and the Mycenaean civilization. In the eighth century BCE, Homerosu put together a collection of stories based on the 400 years of Trojan warfare that had been handed down by “oral tradition”. (The Iliad and Odysseas )

The protagonist, born after the Second World War, reads this lore and facts for Hannah.

Hanna has many secrets and suddenly disappears from his sight. The protagonist cannot accept her loss but forgets about it. The year is 1960 and the world is in the throes of a student movement.

He is now a university student. While attending a seminar on the trial of Nazi war criminals, he finds himself standing in front of

Hanna, whom he had once loved.

She was a prison guard in a concentration camp.

As the trial progressed, the hero remembered that Hanna had asked him to read a book. As he watched her trial, the protagonist realised that Hanna was illiterate. She couldn’t read and had moved from one job to another before it became known that she couldn’t read.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she was a Roma from Romania. In front of the print that she could not read, she opened the door to the world only with his voice. She immersed herself in the warmth of his skin and the world that his voice took her to, knowing that one day she would meet her fate. The trial is a life sentence against her, without her realising that she is illiterate.

In the trial of the concentration camp officials, the key question was whether they had intended to kill her or not, but it was recorded that Hannah had read books to the prisoners. At that point, it was false.

Michaela was unable to love another woman, even though she had long since forgotten Hanna.

He has been in contact with his father, a professor of philosophy, about Hannah. Finally, Hanna is pardoned, but thanks to the help of the protagonist, she is able to write, and after.

*****

 

When “The Reader” became popular, many felt disgusted by the romance between a 15-year-old and a 36-year-old.

Judging them only by their age and their bodies, they called the love of another person, even if it was fiction, freaky.

People are equal in soul if you take off their skin, but they don’t care about that. But they don’t understand what it means to be separated by age. Could they have expressed the intertwining of the protagonist, who had never heard of this war, and the woman whose job was to be judged by the world? At a time when people assumed that people who were like war criminals were evil, there was nothing but love between two people who did not know each other’s position. I don’t dwell too much on the “Nazis”. It is a story of love.

The fictional world, which incorporates reality, allows us to write about love, slipping past the arguments that cannot be conceded in the real world.

Only in stories can the possibility of love be described in the midst of all the hatred.

An American writer once told me that writers can hear the voices of their characters in their heads. The written world is unique, without sound, time or color. It is up to the writer to decide what kind of loneliness and emotion he or she feels within it, but for the writer, publication is just a voice.

In the hands of the reader, he or she constructs a third world out of the world of the novel, and begins to understand his or her own novel. And they wonder. And they wonder. I want a reader. (Perhaps a film adaptation would be the most desirable these days.

I hadn’t looked very carefully, but when I found a reader, the world opened up to me.

Her beloved Michaela had a future to live up to in the famous words of the Odyssey. Hannah is not given such a thing. The author’s choice of this classic has many implications.

Every human being has a monologue. Her life was one in which she was never allowed to have hope again.
The reading from him, temporarily young, was a new world, his own monologue.
He must have been a spokesman for her.

The author’s choice of the classic “The Odyssey” has many implications: it shows that even among those who must be judged, there is love. Only a novel can do this. There is no other reality in which you can write about unforgivable love in a fictional world and say publicly that even war criminals had love.

****

The film title, oddly enough, was Japanese: ” 愛を読む人”.

The love formed by a voice disappears the fastest. The love formed by the voice fades away the fastest. Of the five senses, it is the voice that we lose first in memory. Next comes sight, touch, taste and smell.

Michael sent a tape he had recorded again for Hanna. With “The Odyssey”.

But he didn’t sound the same as he did then. She did not recognise his love.

She didn’t recognize it as his love, but as a voice that was trying to rehabilitate her.

 

I thought it was Hannah’s impulse to commit suicide.

Perhaps. The voice of the young man she loved had disappeared.

.

Who was the reader of the Holocaust?

The new reader for her was not the man she loved.

If there had been no war, we would have been souls of the same age and background. And yet it was a sad story of division.  But judgement cannot divide us from love. Even if we are torn apart, the past, in which his voice lived, lives on, even if it disappears from our memories.

Love” remained as a residue.

*about Obysseus quote: This is a sentence from Odysseus and is not mentioned in the novel.*

About perfume

  多くの香水を試してきた。シャネルの5番より好きな香りがあったが、劣化が早かったり欠点が見つかった。一番酷いのは色素の変色で見た目が美しくなくなるものだった。シャネルの5番は香料の香りを失ってもシンプルな瓶に黄金色が輝き続けるのも、もしかしたら長く生き続けた魅力の一つなのかもしれない。

香水は時代を象徴する。よって時代が過ぎ去れば古臭い香りになる。例えば、彼の母親がつけていた香水、もっと言えば御婆ちゃんがつけていた香水、そんなものを若い女性は付けたいとは思わない。流行りの服や女性像と共に香水のノートも変化していく。シャネルの5番はそのような中、生き残っていった。

シャネルの5番の調香師はエルネスト・ボーで、ロシア人だ。彼の生まれ育った頃に流行った香水は花の香りそのものだった。シャネルの5番に欠かせないアルデヒドは、香料の調和に欠かせない。アルデヒドの配合についてボーは生涯明かすことがなかった。5番の原型となったものは、帝政ロシア時代に実在したラレ社に販売したラレNo1だという論文が残っている。この時、まだアルデヒドはそんなに多くは含まれていなかったのと、この論文には疑問点が多く存在し、人々の記憶違いや伝聞に惑わされている。

フランスのグラースにある調香師養成学校では、シャネルの5番の再現を課題として出される。シャネルNo5に含まれる香料は80以上存在する。ジャスミン、イランイラン、バニラ、ローズ、ムスク、クマリン等、それを自力で再現するということは強いグランドマスター(チェス)との対戦のようだ。感性と体感、そして知識が重要であるが、一筋の光、運でもある。

恐らく、ヴィトンやディオールで活躍する有名な調香師も幼少期からグラース育ちなので、この課題をパスしているのだろう。特にヴィトンの調香師、ジャック・キャヴァリエはシャネルを超える香りを何本も出している。超えるといえば語弊があるが、21世紀の衰退していく芸術世界の中で凡庸な人達に媚びない香りを生み出している。そんな彼でも劣化後の美しさまでは辿り着いていない。但し昨今の芸術家の中では完璧なので私は評価を下げないが、何世紀も渡るとしたら難しい香水になるとは思っている。今の時代専用という意向だとするのなら、完璧だろう。

香料の種類は天然香料、合成香料、調合香料の三種類である。天然香料は200種類以上存在し、その中に動物のものもある。No5に含まれるムスクは、ワシントン条約により、

合成となっている。80年代のNo5を知っている人は香りの変化に気づいている。そして

確か、数年前にシャネルの5番に有害物質が見つかって、改良されたと聞いたが、

その記事が見当たらなかった。そのことを思い出したのは、再度、5番を購入したからである。一時期ヴィトンやディオールの香水を愛用していたが、ふとしたきっかけで戻ってきた。すると、香りが以前と変わっているような気がした。見た目からは想像できない可愛らしいピンクのバラ、「Rose de mai 」は薔薇の香りにの中で強香であり、全ての薔薇のイメージをかき集めたようにシャネル5番は演出している。しかし、最近の5番の香りはそれがよりパウダー化し、濃度が薄い気がした。記憶違いなのなら申し訳ないのだが、情勢の影響で配合が変化することは仕方がないのかもしれない。

香りは音以上に儚い。香りは長期保存が効かず音のように収録する術がない。記憶と記録次第で、記録を再現したところで、調香師の感性次第で違う香りにもなる。時代によって香料の変化をやむを得ないこともある。香りだけは記録に残せるのは、自身の記憶になる。そして思ったよりも共有できるものでもない。多くの人が愛用していようが、友人が愛用しているとは限らない。

それに、香水は人肌によって香りを変えるので、例え友人がお揃いを愛用していたとしても、記憶の整合が難しいものである。恐らく、季節の香りのほうが何度も想起しやすいものだと思う。ただ、香水の魅力は劣化-死が非常に軽やかなところである。画家で言えば、一枚の高価な絵が消えてしまうようなものなのに、香水は調香師の労力も含めて高価とは言っても一般人が買える値段で、消えてゆく運命を受け入れている。チェーホフが「簡潔は才能の妹」と言ったように、香水とは人間が通る道、執着するものを、小瓶にて簡潔化させている。

ひと吹きした瞬間に、肌に馴染んでいく。この瞬間は二度とは返ってこない。香りは自分の想定以上に孤独で、他者に影響を知らないうちに与えてくる。私が来たら分かると振り返った恋人や、私が帰ったら香りだけ残るといった死んだ友人、クローゼットを開けたら良い香りがして幸せになったら、クリスさんのコートでしたと言った美容師さん、

それぞれ、香りが私達の記憶を濃くさせてくれている。私達もいつかは消えゆく存在なのに、そしてこの些細な瞬間は記録されないものなのに。既に死者も現れていて、記憶の記銘は零れおちていく。

香りは、その儚さに嘘がなくて好きだ。

ヴィトンの香水

調香師 ジャック・キャヴァリエ 

アトラップレーヴが一番お気に入り。ピオニーは香料として取れないので調香師の創作となる。恐らくアトラップレークがくどさが無く、大人びているがピオニーの可愛らしい印象が表れている。

参考書籍

Job(The Old Testament) English ver

Art: Léon Joseph Florentin Bonnat”Job”
Job 38:41

Who provides food for the raven
    when its young cry out to God
    and wander about for lack of food?

The Bible is divided into two parts, the Old and the New Testaments, each of which has a different mission.The Old and New Testaments are divided into the historical books, the wisdom books, the prophetic books and the apocalyptic books, while the New Testament is divided into the gospels and epistles. (etc)Some philosophers who are not familiar with religion mistake wisdom literature for prophecy and gospels for apocalypse, and start to talk about conspiracy theories and prophecy from non-prophecy.

Job is the “wisdom literature” of the Old Testament, and a major theme is that “God gives and takes away”. This is often thought of in conjunction with the “Ecclesiastes “where Job is a chapter about suffering given by God and Ecclesiastes is a chapter about facing emptiness and death because of wealth. Wisdom literature leaves behind various stages of wisdom, from the mundane sufferings of everyday life to the lofty and mysterious feelings of the fear of God. These are for the purpose of helping people to escape from suffering and to improve themselves in a life made up to human sins and mistakes.

It is the aim of the book of Job to instil in us the fear of God as well as the wisdom to ask and answer questions. This story is a relatively “literary” favourite of the Japanese.

Job was a righteous and just man. God ‘loved’ Job so much that he boasted of him to the devil.

The devil had already interfered with Job, but Job never turned to evil. God was proud of that and told the devil that it was no use doing anything to Job. But the devil said that he had only flayed him, that he had only given all his wealth for his life, and that if he got any nearer to bone and flesh, Job would curse God. God let the devil go again, on condition that Job’s life not be taken.

The devil caused Job to lose many, Many things. He lost his children, his livestock, his servants, and even a skin disease. The first one to give up was his wife. But Job was still serious and said, “Since God has given me happiness, why don’t I have some misfortune?

However, three of Job’s friends (philosophers) come to comfort him, and during their conversation, Job gradually begins to express his resentment towards God. The friends say, “You must have done something”, but Job finally says, “I didn’t do anything”. His friend tells him to apologize to God and make peace.

But Job was adamant that he had nothing to apologize for. Then there are more questions in which the three men blame Job. After the last argument between Eliph (the philosopher) and Job, the word finally comes from God:  “Who is this, that, without knowledge, he should darken the empire with word after word?”

God converses with Job alone, and asks him how much of the world he knows.

Job reaffirmed his acceptance of the existence of an omniscient and omnipotent God, saying that he did not know the depths of the world or how it came to be, and he prayed for the three men involved in the debate.

And Job was rewarded more than before with God’s blessing.

The Bible, including the book of Job, has few “internal monologues”. Therefore, there are many places where we cannot see the direct psychology and facts of the characters. Therefore, it is possible for various people to continue to search for empathy and facts throughout the long history. The book of Job, like Genesis, is written using the direct narrative discourse method. The Lord’s (God’s) other narrators show the inner life of Job and the Lord. The book is written in prose and rhyme, with the prose enlightening Job to his faith in God, and the rhyme accusing him of injustice.

 We do not know why God loved Job so much, except that he was a “righteous man”, because there is no “internal monologues” of God. Furthermore, we do not know why God released the devil. We all have a tendency to see suffering as punishment and to be convinced of it. Job is not convinced by the questions and answers of his friends who surround him and continue to pursue the ” Fact of Suffering”.

The reality is that any discussion of God or destiny is only between human beings.

“Who has heard the Voice of the true God? That is the question.

It is true that in reality we can only talk to each other while we are alive. In Osamu Dazai’s “人間失格”, when he is accused by his friend Horiki that “the world will not forgive that”.

It is reminiscent of the famous scene in Osamu Dazai’s “人間失格” where the protagonist pulls back without saying, “Isn’t it you who are the World?

It is reminiscent of the famous scene where the protagonist pulls back without saying, “Isn’t the world about you?”

”The world won’t let that happen”

“Not the world. You won’t let it happen, will you?”

“The world will give you a hard time for doing that.”

“Not the world. It’s you, isn’t it?”

“The world will bury you now.”

“Not the world. It’s you who will be buried, isn’t it?”

This structure is similar to that of the dialogue between Job and his friends.

It is almost impossible to hear the voice of truth directly in the real world. In the real world it is almost impossible to hear the voice of truth directly, but only Job can communicate with God through his stories. The God of the Old Testament spoke directly to Adam, Job and Joseph, or told them dreams, but since the birth of Jesus in the New Testament, God has been silent.

For Christians, this pursuit is done through prayer throughout their lives.

Each with his or her own answers, to die in the end. Will the prayers of life match the prayers of death?  The question is a mystery.

The outcome of the pursuit of suffering is the love of God. There is no mistaking that.

The Old Testament was a dialogue from God to humans, a faith from below to above.

In the New Testament, God sent Jesus down. Jesus walked to the people on his own feet.

That is how the mystery descended, when a being beyond human understanding broke through the thick walls of the lower world.

Read the Bible many times and you will find empathy and inspiration before logic. I was sure of it.God is there, beyond our own indwelling, beyond the common sense of the world. God’s love is there.When will we reach it?

We don’t have to force ourselves to think that we have God’s love in our grasp. It is good to live a life of waiting for God’s love. God’s love is not only about grace, it also saves people. What does not reach us is only “economy” and “politics”.An economy and politics without the love of God means collapse. It does not have to be only the voice of man that accompanies our suffering. Like Job.

Isle of the Dead English ver

Isle of the Dead Arnold Böcklin

 Death is the end of human life, the “Sein zum Tod”, Heidegger’s way of saying that we are on our way to death. What constitutes death has been debated for centuries, and science has decided that it begins with brain death. In Japan, the first indication of brain death began on 28 February 1999. In Japan, this is limited to cases where a legal determination of brain death has been made for organ donation. A person is not legally brain dead if they are considered clinically brain dead but do not donate their organs. While we are conscious, we can only dream about the reality of death. In “La Mori”, Maeterlinck violates the realm of the occult and leaves us with a reflection on our own near-death experience and death, which cannot be measured by the consciousness of death. The literary world actually deals more with death than with love. The most common combination is probably that of ‘love’ and ‘death’.

The story centres on a love triangle in which the protagonist of Takehiko Fukunaga’s “Isle of the Dead“, an aspiring writer, falls in love with two women, Ayako Aimi and Motoko Moegi, and cannot choose between them.

The story is structured around the atomic bomb, the idea of death and the idealism of the artist. Their story lives fantastically as a literary world, with the fact that life has gone mad. Fukunaga’s world on the ”Isle of the Dead” is like the dissociative symptoms of trauma in our time. Motoko has lived her inner time as a result of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima, Epoché or Abstraction her very existence in a phenomenological way. What she touches is always unfeeling. Ayako has eloped with a lover in the past, but was abandoned and attempted suicide. She lives her inner time trapped by the end of her love. However, in the chapter of the monologue “K”, the man who abandoned her lover, the author really writes about a parallel phenomenon, that is, the fact that he really loved Ayako and left her, and that they could not overlap.

In this story, it is necessary to arrange the structure of the story: the time of Kronos (Saturn), which proceeds linearly with the main character, the chapter of Kronos’ remembrance, the characters told by Kronos, Motoko’s monologue, and a man’s monologue. There, the sorrow of being left behind as people change from post-war to high economic growth is depicted. Kronos is the God of Time, and in Greek mythology, the parent of Zeus. There are two kinds of time, the weight of Kronos and the opportunity of Kairos.

While the living have much to think and say, the dead are silent in the face of the mystery of the soul.

This story is an intersection of objective tense and inner world. And the atomic bomb is represented as “Saturn” (a coterminous setting in the story). Kronos is the Greek word for Saturn. I don’t know if the author intended it, but it also has an astrological meaning (Saturn in transit brings death to many). The narrative, which has told us so much and has been winding down, comes to an end with the suicides of Motoko and Ayako. In the face of death, the living are transformed into thought forms. Despite this, the illusion of the living is still present in the life of the aspiring writer Iiba, who becomes a proxy for the wounds left by the atomic bombing on the Japanese people, and for the two women whose souls are wasting away, no matter how high the economic growth of the Japan. It seems as if the only way for the illusion of the living to have any substance is to write about it. We are living in the face of death. The moment we are alive is constantly disappearing and being renewed. Mortality was previously an illusion, a dream. But to witness the death of a loved one gives such grief that it makes the living illusory. The glory and shadow of death are so strong. Without love, the living – yes, the writer Takehiko Fukunaga’s ‘attempts at love’, Agape and Eros (Christian interpretations of the Greek) – are eclipsed by the cruelty of the world if love is lost.

Well, then,"  "what about me? "What am I then, he mutters to himself. We are alienated from the dead, and he stands there now, futile.  Is it true that life is nothing but a vain effort? Is it all just an empty void? As he reflects on this, the thick emptiness that covers the canopy gradually fades away, just as the clouds that have burned out on the distant horizon fade away (just as in a dream).

Then his consciousness is completely and noiselessly swallowed up by it.

(Takehiko Fukunaga, Isle of the Dead )

He (the protagonist) then ends up discovering through the novel the “actuation of death”, the materialisation of the living through the speaking of the living as thought bodies. Each time this happens, Japan decides to keep alive the “death” that has been left behind. As a sign that even after such misfortunes, people can still live with love knocking against love.

A ray of light shone out of the dark window in which he was standing, like an awakening, drawing a clear glow.

A ray of light shone in.


(Takehiko Fukunaga, Isle of the Dead)

The White Whale and the Old Testament English Ver

“Call me Ishmael”

Herman Melville

“Call me Ishmael”.

The name Ishmael is not common in the Christian world. It seems to be treated as a rather odious name.

It seems to be treated as the name of an Old Testament character, but in Herman Melville’s The White Whale, the narrator, who seems to be the protagonist, says

“Call me Ishmael”, begins with “Let my name be Ishmael”.

 The White Whale seems to be very important for Nobel Prize winners in literature and international writers, many of whom try to analyse this difficult novel. Even if you are not a literary person, the origin of Starbucks is partly based on the name of this white whale character. (XO Starbuck, 1st class)

In the Old Testament, Abraham’s (Abram’s) wife, who was 75 years old and therefore unable to bear children, brought a young slave woman, Hagar, to her husband and impregnated her with a child.

Sarah ran away when Hagar became an obstacle and was treated harshly. However, she met an angel of the Lord at a spring in the wilderness and was told to return to her master. He told her to name her unborn child Ishmael and that he would be her brother’s enemy. (Genesis: Chapter 16)

 An older Sarah, whose moon thing is long gone, is pregnant (Genesis: chapter 18) The child Sarah carried safely through childbirth and was named Isaac (Genesis: chapter 21). Sarah tried again to drive out Hagar and Ishmael, claiming that Ishmael was making fun of her son Isaac. This was told to Abraham and the angel of the Lord told him to do as Sarah said. Abraham gave Hagar a leather water pouch and Hagar and Ishmael were left to wander in the wilderness (desert). When the water runs out, Ishmael cries out before his death and is saved by the angel of the Lord.

As the son of iniquity and the enemy of his brothers, a name that has never made a good impression throughout its long history.

It has spread mainly in the Christian world, with the exception of the Muslim world.

 In White Whale, as in the Old Testament, the protagonist Ishmael (we don’t know if that’s really his name) miraculously survives, and the divine trials and blessings he undergoes are cast in a light that is unimaginable to those who know what the Bible means.

 The white whale (Moby-Dick), called the devil by the sailors, is found off the coast of Japan, a white whale that has been there for a long time but has never shown itself. A terrible battle to the death ensues. Captain Ahab and the entire crew are pulled into the white whale. In an epilogue, we are told that Ishmael miraculously survived, changing from first-person to third-person perspective. In ancient times, whales and fish were thought to be monosexual animals with only one sex. Even Aristotle thought so. According to ancient Babylonian legend, in the first year of the earth’s creation, Oannes, the god of wisdom, appeared on land in the form of a fish and gave knowledge to mankind. The Indian god Vishnu is said to have incarnated as a fish and saved the founders of modern mankind from a flood. A fish sacrament existed in Syrian goddess rituals. This custom derives from the idea that salvation is seen in fish as a symbol of resurrection.

In the Old Testament, in the Book of Jonah, the prophet Jonah is famous for rebelling against God. This is because God tells him to love his enemies.

In the book of Jonah, the prophet is portrayed as a criminal and the pagan sailor as a humble being. Jonah refused to go to Nineveh, which he hated, and fled to the boat of the pagans. The storm was so bad that when the sailors tried to find the cause of it, they thought it was Jonah. Jonah said he could throw himself into the sea under the guise of self-sacrifice. This was because he did not want to go to Nineveh. So the sailors threw Jonah into the sea and apologised to God. There was a big fish waiting for him as a grave that God had made possible. The fish swallowed Jonah and he lived in it, not in the grave. When Jonah apologised to God, God made him spit out of the fish. Jonah went to Nineveh as God had commanded, saying that after 40 days Nineveh would be destroyed. Why did Jonah refuse to go to Nineveh?

Because God loves Nineveh, his enemy. God asked. You are angry, but is this right?” (Jonah 4:4).

God healed Jonah by stretching out a ‘sesame tree’ for shade. Jonah was happy with this for a time, but what did God think the next time he let insects crawl up the tree and kill it? Jonah became angry again. So God said. You have not even bothered to take care of the tree or to work at it, and when it withers you spare it. Why will I not spare this great city of Nineveh? (Jonah 4:4).

The Lord makes man like a fish in the sea (Habakkuk 1:14), and the prophet Habakkuk also laments his dissatisfaction with God, but in the biblical world the fish is deeply connected to God, and the belly of the fish is the abyss, the space between life and death.

The sequence of letters in Ichthys, representing the fish, is.Ichthys by joining the initials Jesus (Iesous) Christos Theou Hyios Soter. The symbolism took on more meaning: ‘Jesus Christ, Son of God, Redeemer.’

The writer Herman Melville was born into a wealthy family, but from the age of 11 his family fell apart and his father died. He was poor and got a job on a whaling ship. This is the model for The White Whale.

The work, which was suppressed by Puritan public opinion and not appreciated at the time because it was named after a child of iniquity, was eventually appreciated.

The story of the white whale itself is simple, but getting into the biology of the whale and the structure of the story is not. This is also reflected in the fact that the whales are only encountered a few times, which is tedious.

Which brings us back to the white whale.

While you take in hand to school others, and to teach them by what name a whale-fish is to be called in our tongue leaving out, through ignorance, the letter H, which almost alone maketh the signification of the word, you deliver that which is not true.” 

-Hackluyt

Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition) . Amazon Classics. kindle edition.

The importance of the letter ‘H’ is conveyed at the beginning of the book: “While you take it in hand to educate others and try to tell them what the whale (whale-fish) is called, we, in our ignorance, omit the important letter H, and you deliver what is not true”. It is not clear at this point whether this is a map or a code in the life-and-death, or rather divine, destiny of the future. Different races share the vengeance and destiny of a captain. The whale, which becomes a great sea monster, is created by God, as in Genesis 1:21. It may be a novel with everything symbolic, like an order in a bible, but it’s also an everyday life of a working man, challenging himself but engulfed by a stormy sea. There are chapters and chapters of daily life that bore the reader, but the people themselves are always exhausted just trying to survive the day. In the epilogue, the Old Testament’s Job,

“And I only am escaped alone to tell thee.”-Job.

(Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition) . Amazon Classics. kindle edition)

And I only escaped alone to tell you, quoted. What scene was this?

In the first chapter of the Book of Job, Job’s servant tells him that his territory has suddenly been attacked and he has fled to tell Job. All this in one quotation.

Does it not sum up the state of mind of Ishmael, the hero of Melvilu? Even if we fight to the death in the great sea, what remains is no different from what we fought for on land. What God has given and created strikes you like a demon. That is the daily toil. It is the scholars and drinkers who enjoy the cryptanalysis of the letter “H”, who try to make it more beautiful than it is. No matter how much we try to explain it in biology, in the end it cannot be fully explained.

How vain and foolish, then, thought I, for a timid untravelled man to try to comprehend this wondrous whale, by merely poring over his dead attenuated skeleton, stretched in this peaceful wood.

Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition).Chapter103

My interpretation is that the meaning of the acronym ‘H’ can be summed up here. We don’t try to understand what seafarers go through.

Of course, we write that it hurts, but unless we have experienced it, we cannot feel the pain. The further away we get from a working environment like a whaling ship, the more the pain becomes a fairy tale. But fiction is not non-fiction, so there is absolutely no need to convey pain. Melville’s experience is now a story.

When a similar situation arises, some scholar or influencer will again tell us to learn from the white whale, as if they know what they’re talking about.

It is still the white whale, swimming without its stupidity and ridiculousness. A fate that is unknowable, it has existed like man since the creation of God, but under the surface, spinning knowledge with words, the whale has sometimes been responsible for its fate. Whales are not like natural disasters.

Man challenges and attacks them. We too as perpetrators, apart from natural disasters, have challenged (or People still challenge them.) such beings with an emotional one, such as revenge.

It would be a symbol of that.

It is true that when we miraculously come back alive from the rough seas of fate, we sometimes rejoice as if we were turning over our palms to God’s grace, but we cannot understand the ‘white whale’ with that emotion. You can’t grasp it, and that’s the point. Grace, coming back alive, it is indeed important to rejoice, but it is also important not to forget the storm.

白鯨と旧約聖書

ハーマン・メルヴィル(白鯨)

“Call me Ishmael”

イシュマエルという名前はキリスト教圏はあまり見かけない。寧ろ忌み嫌われている名前

という扱いのようである。旧約聖書の登場人物の名前ですが、ハーマン・メルヴィルの「白鯨」で主人公らしき語り手が、

“Call me Ishmael”「私の名前をイシュマエルとしよう」と語るところから始まる。

 ノーベル文学賞受賞者や海外の文豪にとって、この白鯨は非常に重要なようで、この難解な小説のアナリーゼに挑む人が多い。文学者でなくても、スターバックスの由来も一部、この白鯨の登場人物の名前を採用している。(副長のスターバック一等)

旧約聖書では、アブラハム(アブラム)の妻が75歳と高齢の事から、子宝に恵まれないだろうと奴隷の若い女性ハガルを夫と引き合わせ、子どもを孕ませた。

サラはハガルが邪魔になり、厳しく当たるので逃げだした。しかし、荒れ野の泉のほとりで主の御使いと出会い、主人のところに戻るように言い渡される。その時にお腹の子の名前をイシュマエルと名づけろと、兄弟の敵となると言い渡される。(創世記:16章)

 月のものがとうに無くなった高齢のサラが身籠った。(創世記18章)サラが身籠った子は出産を無事に終え、イサクと名づけられた(創世記21章)。イシュマエルが自分の子のイサクをからかったとして、サラは再度ハガルとイシュマエルを追い出そうとした。それはアブラハムに伝わり、主の御使いがサラの言う通りしろと命じた。アブラハムはハガルに革の水袋を渡し、ハガルとイシュマエルは荒れ野(砂漠)を彷徨うことになった。水が切れたときに、イシュマエルは死を前にして泣き叫び、主の御使いにより救済される。

不義の子として、そして兄弟の敵として、良い印象の無い名前として長い歴史の中、

イスラム教圏を除いて主にキリスト教圏で広まっていった。

 白鯨では、旧約と同じように主人公イシュマエル(厳密に言えば本当にその名かは分からない)は奇跡的な生還を果たすところから、彼が受けた神の試練と加護は聖書の意味を知る人間にとっては想像出来ない光に包まれている。

 船員達が悪魔と称した白鯨(Moby-Dick)は、ずっと偏在しながらも姿を現さなかった白鯨が日本の沖で見つかる。そこで恐ろしい死闘が行われた。エイハブ船長を始め、乗組員は全員白鯨に引きずり込まれてしまう。そのあとに後書きとして、一人称から三人称視点へと変化しながら、イシュマエルは奇跡的に生還したと伝えられる。鯨、魚の話といえ古代において一つの性しかもたない単性動物だと考えられていた。アリストテレスでさえそうだった。古代バビロニアの伝説によれば知恵の神オアンネスは天地創造後の大地年目に魚の姿で陸地に現れ、人間に知識を授けたとされている。インド神のヴィシュヌは一匹の魚に化身し、今日の人類始祖を洪水から救い出したとされている。シリアの女神の祭祀には魚の聖餐が存在した。この風習は救済は魚が復活の象徴を見る考え方に由来している。

旧約聖書で有名なのは「ヨナ書」では預言者ヨナは神に反抗的だった。神が敵を愛するように言うからだ。

ヨナ書では預言者を犯行者とし、異教徒の水夫は謙虚な存在として登場している。ヨナは嫌いなニネベに行くことを拒み異教徒たちの船に逃げ込んだ。嵐が酷かったのでその原因を探ると、ヨナが原因だと水夫達は思った。ヨナは自己犠牲を装って自分を海に投げ込めばいいと言った。ニベネにそれほど行きたくなかったからである。そこで、水夫たちは神に謝罪しながらも、ヨナを海に投げ込んだ。そこには神が容易した墓場として大きな魚が待っていた。魚に飲み込まれたヨナは墓場ではなく、その中で生きた。ヨナが神に謝罪をすると神は魚から彼を吐き出させた。ヨナは神の命令通りにニネベに渡り、40日後にニネベが滅びると言った。ヨナが何故ニネベ行きを拒んだのか、それは

神が敵であるニネベを愛するからだった。神は尋ねた。「お前は怒るが、それは正しいことか」(ヨナ書4:4)

神は「とうごまの木」を伸ばしてヨナに木陰を作って癒した。ヨナは一時期はそれに満足したが、神が何を思ったのか、次は木に虫を這いあがらせて枯らしてしまった。ヨナはまたそれに怒るようになった。そこで神は言ったのである。「お前は自分で育てたり労苦することもなかったその木でさえ枯れたら惜しんでいる。それならどうして私が、この大いなるニネベを惜しまないだろうか」(ヨナ書4:4)

主は人を海の魚のようにする(ハバクク1:14)とハバククという預言者も神に不満を嘆いているが、聖書世界では魚を神と繋がり深く、魚の腹は深淵とし、生と死の狭間である。魚を表すIchthysの文字の配列は、

Jesus(Iesous)Christos Theou Hyios Soter の頭文字を繋げると Ichthysとなる。「イエス・キリスト、神の子、救済者」と象徴はより一層意味を強めた。

作家、ハーマンメルヴィルは裕福な家に生まれたが、11歳から家族が転落し父親が亡くなってしまう。彼は貧しいが故に捕鯨船の仕事につく。それが白鯨のモデルとなっている。

不義の子を名前にしたと言う事で清教徒的世論に弾圧されて当時は評価されなかった作品は、やがて評価をされる。

白鯨の話自体はシンプルですが、鯨の生体に入ったりストーリーの構成が一筋縄ではいかない。これは鯨に出会える回数は数回でありその退屈さも表してている。

白鯨に話を戻すが、

While you take in hand to school others, and to teach them by what name a whale-fish is to be called in our tongue leaving out, through ignorance, the letter H, which almost alone maketh the signification of the word, you deliver that which is not true.” 

—Hackluyt

Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition) . Amazon Classics. Kindle 版.

「あなたが他人を教育するために手に取り、鯨( Whale-fish )がどのような名前で呼ばれるかを教えようとしている間、私たちは、無知が故に、重要なHの文字を省いて、あなたは真実でないものを伝えるのです」と冒頭にHの文字の重要性を伝えている。これはこれからの生死を賭けた、というより神に運命を預ける際の地図になるのか、暗号になるのかこの時点では分からない。様々な人種が一人の船長の復讐劇と運命を共にする。鯨、大きな海の怪物となるものは、創世記の1章21節にあるように神が創ったものである。出発はもしかしたら生誕祭のような日照条件下、全てが聖書世界の秩序のように象徴を散りばめた小説ではあるが、あとは自ら挑んだが荒波に飲まれていく労働者の日常である。そこには読者を退屈させるような毎日が何章にも渡って綴られるが、本人たちは常にその日生き残ることだけに力を使い果たしている。エピローグでは、旧約のヨブの

“And I only am escaped alone to tell thee.” —Job

Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition) . Amazon Classics. Kindle 版.

そして私だけがあなたに伝えるために一人で逃げている、を引用している。これはどんなシーンだったのか、

ヨブ記の1章にでヨブの召使が、領地を急に襲われてヨブに伝えるために逃げてきたと話している。この引用で全て

メルヴィルー主人公イシュマエルの心境が詰まっているのではないのだろうか。大海で死闘を繰り返そうとも、残るものは大地で争ったのと変わらない。神が与えたもの、創ったものは悪魔のように自分を襲う。それが日々の労苦である。これ以上の美化をしようとするのは、Hの文字の暗号解析を楽しむ学者や呑気な読者である。生物学上で幾ら説明しようが、結局は説明しつくせない。

How vain and foolish, then, thought I, for timid untravelled man to try to comprehend aright this wondrous whale, by merely poring over his dead attenuated skeleton, stretched in this peaceful wood.

Melville, Herman. Moby Dick (AmazonClassics Edition) .Chapter103

臆病な人間が、この平和な森の中にある死んだ鯨の骨格を観察することで、この奇妙な鯨を正しく理解しようとするのは、なんと無駄で愚かなことだろうと私は思った

私の解釈は「H」の頭文字の意味はここに尽きると思っている。私達は船員たちの労苦等全く理解しようとしない。

当たり前だが、文章では「痛い」と書いていても経験していない限り痛みは伝わらないのである。私達が捕鯨船に乗るような労働環境から離れれば離れるほど、その痛みは御伽噺になる。しかし小説はノンフィクションではないので、痛みを絶対に伝える必要性はない。メルヴィルの体験が、物語となってしまった今現在、

似ているような状況が訪れれば、また誰か学者やインフルエンサーが分かったように「白鯨から学べ」と言い出す。

その愚鈍で滑稽さと無縁で泳いでいるのはやはり大きな白鯨ではないか。知る由もない運命、神の創世記から人間と同じように存在しているが、言葉で知識を紡いでいる水面下で鯨は運命を時々担っていた。鯨は天災とはまた違う。

人間が挑んで襲い掛かる。私達もまた天災とは別に加害者として、復讐心というような感情的なもので、そのような存在に挑んでしまっているのだ。

その象徴であるだろうと、私は思う。

確かに運命の荒波から奇跡的に生還すると、つい神の恩寵だと掌返すように喜ぶことがあるが、その感情では「白鯨」は分からない。掴めないのだから、それが重要な事なのだ。恵み、生還、それは確かに喜ぶことは大切だが、嵐を忘れてはならない事もある。

Evangelist English ver

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

2 Corinthians 4:8,9

In chapter 4 Paul refers to himself as “We have this treasure in earthen vessels… (v.7). I am weak, yet the Lord works mightily in my weakness to reveal his glory to me. It struck me that the Bible Missionary is a man who carries his treasure in an earthen vessel. It is such a simple thing to be a Missionary, to take the gifts and abilities of God and put them in something as simple as a clay vessel. In England we were Anglican, so we had Evangelists. I was in the psychology department at Oxford University, but I was drawn to the theology department. By the time I was there, there were Muslims and many future clergymen. The faith itself seemed to be fading in England, but I found the lectures by the Bible preachers in Christ Church interesting. Most of the Bible expositors were talking about other worlds, but this one had a way of intertwining the unseen with the seen, speaking to dreams and thoughts that we had not yet verbalised or imagined. I was not then as sure as I am now, but this kind of evangelism made me want to be a writer like *George MacDonald.

  I returned home, but the image of the writer I wanted to be in Japan was a difficult one. Then in 2018, for various reasons, I gave up the idea of becoming a preacher. I became more aware of fiction and writing rather than faith, and for a while I did an apprenticeship as a journalist, but I was also dealing with the medical and resentful side of things, and the threats were certainly coming, as they say. Most troubling of all were the death threats to my cat, Adam, and the persistent unauthorised access to my information on twitter and leaking of information through logins.

 I retired from all secular writing in order to be able to live with my cat. In 2020, with the support of my church and Bishop Sakai, I will be able to return as an Missionary. Nowadays, logic is more and more used as a confrontation or an attack, but it can also be used as a reconciliation. What is more vicious is that people who mistake it for logic and send death threats to others can live without any punishment. I wondered if I had to fight this cowardly dustbunny, but then I realised that I didn’t have to. A trash is a trash and not worthy of being a man. Paul had many allies, but he had just as many attackers. Those who are baptized suffer as much as those who are doing the right thing. There is a time, Kairos and Kronos, that surrounds human beings. To struggle in vain for approval is to live in Kronos and waste time. Living in kairos is to improve the self. During this time we are not allowed to throw mud at others. You will find that the only way to use sorrow and misfortune is to turn them into good deeds. Otherwise, you will just grow old in vain and your confidence will be as dust as the perpetrator. It will fade away with the passage of time. It is important, especially if you want to be a preacher, to keep your precious jewels in a humble earthenware vessel and ponder them until the time is right. There will probably be hard days ahead, but as a Baptised person I am strong and will not give in. There is no need to constantly polish or decorate the earthenware vessels in which we store our treasures. That’s how Christians overcome trials, and that’s how we are evangelists.

reference

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.( 2 Corinthians 4:18)

 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.(2 Corinthians 12:10)

There is no profession of evangelist in Catholicism at the moment, but writers can still take on this role. In today’s Japan, it is difficult, yet perhaps it is precisely because it is difficult that life has meaning.

George MacDonald, Scottish writer and clergyman.

Tolkien, the Bible preacher, Lewis Carroll and others have been influenced by him. His work called Lilith, influenced by the Bible, is very beautiful.

Evangelist

「わたしたちは、四方から苦しめられても行き詰らず、途方に暮れても失望せず、虐げられても見捨てられず、打倒されても滅ぼされない」

(第二コリント4・8~9)

 パウロは4章において自分自身を「わたしたちは、この宝を土の器の中に持っている。」(7節)とした。私は弱い存在だけれども、主が、その弱さの中に力強く働いてくださり、そして私の栄光を現わしてくださる、というものです。宝を土の器の中に持ち歩くとは、聖書伝道師そのものだと私は思いました。持っている神からの賜物、能力を敢えて土器のような地味のものに入れること、それほど伝道師とは地味な事なのです。イギリスは聖公会でしたので、伝道師がいました。私はオックスフォード大学で心理学部に在籍していましたが、神学部に憧れるようになりました。もう私の在籍したころではイスラム教徒や色んな将来の聖職者の卵達が来ていました。信仰自体はイギリスも薄れている様子でしたが、Christ Church内の聖書伝道師の講義は興味深いものがありました。聖書の解説をする人の大半は異世界を語るような話が多いのですが、話術を持っているその者は目に見えないものと、見えるものを絡ませて、私達が言語化、イメージ化していない夢想や思惑に語り掛けてくるのでした。私はこの頃はまだ今ほどの確信はありませんでしたが、このように伝道師をしながら、*ジョージマクドナルドのような作家になりたいと思わせました。

日本には両親を残していたので私は帰国しましたが、日本での私のなりたい作家像は困難なものでした。そして2018年に諸事情で伝道師になることを断念しました。信仰というより、小説や執筆を意識するようになり一時期はジャーナリストの見習いもやりましたが、医療系や恨まれる部分も扱っていたので、脅迫も噂通りに確かに来るようになりました。何よりも困ったのが、飼い猫のアダムへの殺害予告、twitterでの執拗な不正アクセス、ログインによる情報漏洩でした。(twitterは退会、最近、evernoteも不正ログインでデーターを盗まれて削除されました)

 飼い猫との生活を考えて、世俗関連の執筆は全部引退しました。全く光明が見えなかった一年間、アダムが来てから更に一年間、投資家としては戻れても、作家として戻ってくることがありませんでした。2020年に再度、所属教会と酒井司教様の支援により、伝道師としての道が開けることになりました。昨今は論理を対立や攻撃として使うことが増えてしまいましたが、和解という使い方もあります。もっと悪質なのが、論理と勘違いして人に殺害予告等を平気で送ってくる人間が何の罰も受けずに生きていられることです。私はこの卑怯な塵芥と戦わなければならいのだろうか、と我に返ると戦う必要がないと思いました。塵芥は塵、人たるに値しないのです。パウロも味方が沢山いましたが、攻撃する人も同じぐらいいました。洗礼を受けている者は、正しい事をしている人ほど苦しむのです。人間を取り巻くのに、カイロスとクロノスという時間が存在します。承認欲求に負けて無駄な争いをすることは、クロノスに生きて無駄な時間を過ごすことになります。カイロスに生きるということは、自己を磨くことであります。この時間は他人に泥を投げることは許されません。悲しみや不幸は善行に変えるしか、使い道がないことを知るでしょう。そうでなければ、ただ無駄に老いるだけで、自信も加害者と同じく塵芥そのものです。時が過ぎれば一緒に風化します。特に伝道師を目指すのであれば、宝石のような大切なものは、地味な土器に入れて時がくるまで深く考察することが大切なのです。恐らく辛い日は続くでしょう、それでも私は洗礼を受けた者として強いので屈しないことです。宝をしまう土器は常に磨く必要も飾る必要もないのです。それがクリスチャンの試練の乗り越え方であり、伝道師なのだと思います。

(参照・補足)

私たちは、見えるものにではなく、見えないものにこそ目を留めます。見えるものは一時的であり、見えないものはいつまでも続くからです。

(第二コリント4・18)

弱いときこそ強い(第二コリント12章7節~10節

*カトリックは現時点では伝道師という職業はありませんが、やはり作家がその役目を背負うことがあります。現在の日本では困難ですが、困難だからこそ生きる意味があるのかもしれません。

*ジョージマクドナルド スコットランドの作家であり、聖職者。

聖書伝道師のトールキンや、ルイスキャロル等が影響を受けている。聖書から影響を受けたリリスという作品はとても美しい。

WordPress.com でブログを始める.

ページ先頭へ ↑

%d人のブロガーが「いいね」をつけました。